this is an eye soring post.
sleeping. doctor tomorrow.

i'm really sick of life alright.
i dislike being left out.
no, i just don't like the feeling of being out of place.
you all don't get it, cause you're not in my shoes.

when i speak for my feelings, you all seem to give me shit.
how else should i put everything in words?
action is a no-no, but what else can i do?
i don't know what to do anymore.
fuck it alright?

nobody in this fucking world respect me.
i'm serious.
do you think my words are just some bullshit?
do you know how much i felt?
do you understand me?
no, you fucking don't.

you don't try to play big with me.
cause you know what?
you are not.
just that i show you some fucking respect, doesn't means you're BIG.

you all do what you want, and have never thought of how will i feel.
do you all know how much of tears are shed at time?
or the level of sadness i am in?

i'm fucking have enough.
go think about all these.
and make some fucking reflections on what had happened.

i don't wanna celebrate my BIG day anymore.
that's final.

it's a great yet long night.
have a gathering with some friends and my sister.
Reason : XiaoYun is going Japan for half a year.
had local delights at Lau Pa Sat.

KTV session at party world.
i rather go KBOX next time.
much better and cheaper.

while singing some songs on LOVE,
my heart suddenly feel so heavy.
i don't know what's wrong with me.
i must be nuts, and he's the 1st __-ing person i think of.
yea, i must admit this fact, i do miss him.
but he don't even fucking care.
maybe everything have ended ever since then.
i'm foolish and silly to wait for miracle to happen.
how funny can it be.

while walking to maxwell food center to get some drinks,
i took photos of my sister and her huddy.
yea, in another words, they are my models then.
it's really funny and nice process.
just hope that they turn out fine.

off to sleep, till then..

just random

wad's in the mind of mine?
empty headed, feeling a sense of lost.
no, i don't know what's going on.
i can't really be bothered now.

the special of mine is approaching.
yet i don't know how.
everything seem to feel so amiss.
fuck those mood i'm having.

it have being tiring for me.
i don't have enough rest.
yes, i need some awfully good rest.
i don't wanna fall sick now.

i've being thinking alot.
alot on what have being happening.
i think i'm so screwed.
i felt alot of pressure recently.
it doesn't feel good at all, i'm serious.

i don't wanna hang on, i should hide.
i don't wanna speak, i can only listen.
i can't cry, i would not allow, i have to laugh.
i shut myself up, i can't show.

i've being feeling so mixed up that i couldn't think right.
laugh, cry, idle, stone, angry or what?
i don't know how should i behave now.
it's like, i don't even know myself now at this moment.

no, i think i shouldn't act that strong anymore.
i'm really weak and soft inside.
every single words affect me deeply.
i thought i could treat it like nothing, but it's bothering me.

you should have know, but you pretended not to.
everything is falling in me, falling all apart.
i'm tired, i'm down, ain't great.
what else more could i say?

anyway, thanks darling, PeiJun, for giving me such an early and pleasent surprise.
i love everything alot(Fisheye 2, boxer, card).
it's great, and i'm shock with it.
you must have spent alot this time round.
sorry to make you spend so much on me.
i know the cost is secondary, but i still feel rather bad.
just thanks alot.

i yearning for surprises.
:(

alright!
i've day spent with my long-missed darling.
alright, i really seriously duperly miss her!
did nothing much actually.
just walk around town, then went basheer @ Bras Basah complex to see my Fisheye2.
guess, i'll be getting it before my birthday.
doubt anyone will get it for me. :(

followed by National Library to read some books.
wanted to borrow them, but they are not for loan.
dinner @ Fish & Co bugis.
great and satisfying.
took a walk to clark quay to chill a little.

lazy to type everything out.
just summarised will do the job. :D

PHOTOS

i've gotta admit something.
i'm turning really ugly and old. :(

you know, it's like at times you felt really left out.
things that your friend do or say, you just don't understand a single shit.
or they will just left you all alone when you needed some companion.
alright, i can't see what's the point with all these.
nobody really knows or bothers.

sorry, i guess i'm a pain in the neck at times.
i can't kick the habit off me.
i don't wanna be like attracting unwanted attention.
but least, give me some.
i guess i'm contridicting over here.

i don't really know what i want.
at times i feel so drifted that i could not even feel a thing anymore.
maybe i need a space to myself.
a space for me to think really carefully on what's on my mind, in my heart.
i don't wanna have this kind of life that i don't feel great or happy.
can you all like just understand me for a moment?

what's on my mind.

GOOD FRIDAY TO ALL!

today was a pretty tired day for me.
due to the insufficient amount of sleep and gotta wake up early for school.
TIRED I TELL YOU!
but i'm happy today.
:B

1st, i helped my group to draw the flag.
2nd, i went out with Girlfriend.
3rd, i watched Step Up 2.

okay la, it's nothing much la.
but it makes me a little happy.
but the moment i step into my room, abit emo already.
what the hell me eh?
i also don't what's going on.
maybe i'm just tired.

I'M SO OH-FULL-ED NOW!
:B

anyway, just now when i'm cutting my nails on my finger,
my nail cutter broke.
HELL-O-FUNNY!
shock me.

alright, curse me hard!
i couldn't sleep and i've gotta wake up at bloody 7 am tomorrow.
yes, i'm tired but my block nose doesn't allow me to sleep.
hell the what!

i've finally submit my NAFA project.
the presentation was slightly more funny.
i don't know why.
and am satisfied with my project.
will post my project up here tomorrow for some unknown reason.
maybe, i just feel like it.
:B

i'm just fucking emotional now.
i can't think right, i can't think straight.

losing all my good friends isn't a great thing.
they don't know how i feel and what i have to say.
those tears i shed they will never know.
i seem to be losing my closest.

PeiJun
we are no longer close like how we used to be.
i somehow know the reason but wasn't certain.
didn't have the courage to say or tell.
i'm not a great friend, letting you go ever so easily.
i don't know why, i hating myself so much that i've let you go.
what words can i put to let you how i'm feeling at this moment?
it's the biggest regret.
i'll never forget all our silly moments and those enjoyable times.
you're the greatest friend that i once treasured most.
till now, i'll treasure every single moment.
i will not be selfish to hold you back.
love you most.

Gracie
i felt the difference.
both of us are leading different ways.
depending on mood is your acts.
led me to great disappointment at times.
you never know how i feel, i didn't mind.
sometimes i really wish i could talk to you heart to heart.
but it just seem like you weren't much interested.
i'll just say, nothing.
everything is just so different.
sorry i'm just not those kind of girls.
do you even know what i'm talking about?

SiewLee
we will never be able to be like the past.
where we used to hang out together with one another.
going through all the tough and great times together as one.
i miss those silly and naughty times.
yes, i seriously do.
staying over at one another house, going out to dine and etc.
i've so much to say to you, but words doesn't seem to be able to find the exit.
i'm at fault too.

Gerald
i'm sorry for those silly acts.
i'll take a break from now on.
i don't know what will happen.
but, i wanna let you know,i'll be your support emotionally and physically.
you can always lean on me if you need i break.
i'll never reject you.
ignore and forget the hurtful and senseless words i've said.
i'm sorry.

To all
sorry that i might have not being a good friend throughout all these times.
i'm really sorry on my acts.
sorry that i've not put in much effort.
i'm not a great friend, i admit.
pardon me from all the past.
give me a new chance to redeem myself.
talk to me to let me know how you feel, i'll change.

maybe sometimes, i can't open myself to anybody.
it's ain't ya fault, it's just me.
i dislike to tell people how i feel.
i don't want to be a burden to anyone.
i don't want to rely too much on anyone.
i'm a pampered child if you all really know.
hoping all things will go my way, but they don't.
i'll change, i know i have to.
give me time, i wanna improvise myself to be a better person.

i've lost almost everything in this game called " Friendship ".
it's torturing and awful.

okay, i've finally speak up how i felt.
i don't know what's wrong with me now.
but i just don't feel right!
i'm not happy, i'm not pissed.
i'm just close to everything negative.
I SERIOUSLY DON'T FEEL FUCKING GOOD!

i'm having mix simple feelings now.
happy and sad.

HAPPY
that honey, aiai, audrey, wenbin, jessical and qadir are back in one piece.
it's like after 2 weeks.
though it's not long, but it's long enough for me to miss them esp Jasmine.
it's great to see them back, it nice to hug them just now.
shall meet up with them soon.

SAD
i felt the difference of then and now.
everything is like just so different after that particular night.
you make me ponder about my desicion.
you make me wonder what's awfully wrong.
i feel the wall, i feel the gap building up slowly.
it's just not like us anymore.
tell me what's wrong.
where's all the long chats in the night.
i hoping and wishing ever so hard that you will just talk to me.
but you didn't.
even if so, it's just a min or two.
i'm not happy, dude.

i'm the MOSQUITO FEEDER!
no matter where i go, mosquito love me!
BUT!!!!!!
i don't love them, or you can say, I HATE THEM!
it's bloody itchy and gross to see blood splash when you whack them!

tangs dynasty trip was great but not the mosquito part.
sun was kind enough to give us time to shoot the whole area.
used up all my rolls left in my 3 camera.
but, i wasted 1 roll of film due to my act-smart action.
dammit, it make me boil over the boiling point.

headed to DDD after shooting and took the scans after 2 hours.
sold my Fisheye lens to Sahlah too.
i serious need more tools for me to shoot.

over dinner, i begged my family to get me cameras and films for my birthday.
yes, i need films most and money.
*hint : my birthday is approaching*
if you don't know what to get for me, give me money to fund in for my camera, films and processing.

YES I NEED MONEY FOR ALL OF THEM.
how pathetic am i, i'm like begging.

anyway, i seriously don't feel like working.
thinking about the hours and being a hypocrite, turn me off till extreme.
i need money yet i don't feel like working.
well, can the sky or lord-oh-mighty donate some money to this poor bitch?:(

PHOTOS

tangs dynasty

(Ricoh 35R, centuri)

(Vivitar UWS, sensia 400)

Katong

( Vivitar UWS, sensia 400)

(holga, elite Chrome 200 expired)

(holga, centuri)

the days in camp

well, i must say, the camp is really indeed memorable and fun.

i've learnt really alot of new stuff and make a number of friends.

the activities in camp really touched the heart of mine.

i'm speechless at times till tears were brought to my eyes.

deep impression, unforgotten memories, tears of heart.

when you see how your teammates sweat just to save you,

when you see how one of your mates injured just because of you,

when you see how everybody bond just to reach the finish point no matter win or lose,

when you see how people tried all their ways to protect everyone in the team,

when you see how anyone of the teammates suffer for everybody,

when you see how people cried due to suffering and pain,

when you see how all hug together and cry, thinking every thoughts of all the happening.

there's even more to say but yet no words can explain.

there's so much more to describe that only sight is the best explaination.

yes, i really did enjoy myself in the camp.

my group won the mass dance mini competition.

yes, thanks to david who inspired us.

thanks to the team that cooperate as one.

and i'm glad the dance i've put in much ideas, won the team glory.

i'm happy, i'm satisfied.

loving each and every moment of it.

i pray that i will never lose any bit of the memories.

Nicholas's birthday

okay, didn't really take photo of the event.

had fun, smoke about half a pack, drank chivas and volka, chilled out, met new people.

food at bbq was great, played and cake smashing.

but it's a waste for the cake, as it's really tempting and looked yummy.

i realised a couple of stuff that wasn't really very good but yet i won't wanna say.

met up with gerald later at 1am.

yes, it's finally and all i can say is, he's tall.

i'm shock and like "alright, i admit defeat" those kind of shit.

spent a couple of hours together and chat alot.

understand each other much better.

he's a really a crapper that make me couldn't wipe off the laughters.

Saturday

went out to pass nic money at 2.

went to meet sisters for lunch.

theirs aim was to get a PSP for my big bro-in-law.

how nice, red PSP slim is really an addiction.

but it didn't affect me as i still prefer I-touch.

went off after lunch to get home to prepare alittle.

met baboon at city hall hoping to watch Step Up 2.

but, we didn't get to watch it as bad seats were left or too late.

so ended up just walked around and chilled out.

he's nice i must said, we too had some great talks and craps.

yea, he's soooo gonna make me explode in a laughing-yet-argh manner.

how funny.

but it's enjoyable as it's being long ever since we hang out together.

back home, chatted with alot of dudes.

now i'm tired, shall head to bed.

GOOD NIGHT!

you're a fairytale in my life.

i can't tell you the truth in my heart.

i've gotta hide.

thinking of you is becoming a daily routine.

i can't stop myself either.

but, it's just a fairytale.

you'd never get my meaning or remember my words.
i can't say more but blame myself.
blaming that i can't stand a place in you.
i'm just an ordinary friend who you will never remember much.
this is what i believe.
i'm disappointed, yet i can't do much.
i wouldn't wanna make things obvious that it would affect us.
you mean alot to me.
but it doesn't really matter much anymore..

ain't feeling great.

collect my katong trip photos today.
i'm SPEECHLESS!
totally, absolutely.

should i blame it on my skill, film/slide or just no talent?
everything doesn't turn out nice.
too ashame to post it at the forum.
or maybe i can say, there's isn't anything much for me to post.

i'm sad alright!
i look for to it like millions, yet i fell in billions.
disappointment and everything.
just don't feel a fuck great.
seriously, i don't...

not much words could describe how i felt when those words came out.
it hurts me more than a thousand knives.
i could only put on a fake smile and hide it away.
lucky it was behind the screen that everything happen.
else, i doubt i can ever do it nicely.

yes, it's painful but i'm glad.
though i still have my doubts but it's alright.
perhaps,i'll wait for you if you are not too long.
i can wait if you hint me to, i wouldn't really mind.
i'm just the silly girl in the eyes.

okay. sorry didn't post yesterday about the outing.
or was it yester-yesterday?
oh well, whatever.

well, the outing was great and fun.
i did enjoy it and got to know more new friends.
too much to name, nice dudes and babe.
it was ashame for me that i was to shy to approach anyone.

the beginning of everything is seriously funny for me.
since it's like the 1st outing for me, i didn't dare to approach the group of people when i reached.
i was like walking around think "is it them? should i approach them? OMG! so weird la!"

yea, i pondered for more than a moment.
ended up just walked to the station and 2 peeps told me the group is over there.
and feeling so shy and blush, i walked over there.
almost bust into laughter for some unknown reason.
got to know joey and sun first then followed by the rest.

tagged around with joey and sun for almost the whole trip.
they were nice and great.

blah blah blah.

went to East Coast Park for Elieen's birthday party.
it's a surprise and i could see that she almost broke into tears.
fartsomeart birthday is the next day after Elieen's.
anyway, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL WHOSE BIRTHDAY ARE AROUND!

light streaks playing at the beach.
nice and funny.
it's like alot of cute stuff and thing la.

THAT'S ALL TO SAY.
sorry for being so lazy to type a little more.
shall post some photos and continued maybe later in the afternoon/night/after camp.

PHOTOS

taken by others

taken by me

THE END.

no, i don't feel great at that moment you spoke and ignore the feelings of mine.
you didn't know, i can't possibly blame you.
and no, i'll never will.

i shouldn't have, i have known it all along.
but i just can't control, i've lost controller to my emotions.
you make me think of you, crave for you, and miss you.
i can't really stop myself.

the chats, the crap, the misses make everything worst.
there's never gonna be any beginning yet ending.
it's sad to say, but i shouldn't have fall.
i'm sorry but i really couldn't help.

you make me lost my emotion.
losing the bits of myself.
i want you here, right by me.
but it's never gonna happen.
that's what we used to promise.
i'm regretting it so much.

i'm sorry.