number 302, it's the same.

how long have it been that things were this way?

it seem like everything is in a drama now.

it's too much of a hectic, too much of emotions.

nothing seem really normal.

everything is just an act.

i doubt many will understand.

i'm so worn out.

not even knowing what's real.

with a blink, everything changes.

i'm so tired.

a straight line, not.

it's getting really tiring.

people have being messaging me through all channels.

asking me all types of different questions.

it's really tiring to keep answering and answering.

dammit.

dammit big bigger biggest time!

yes, i'm down with a sore throat again!

this time it felt so much worst.

:(

lock it soon, be numb to it.

i so feel like bursting.

i don't know who to be, what to be.

damn it.

i'll just take it as all my fault.

i really don't feel like saying anything more.

you all are expecting too much from me, i can't take it.

it's really getting hard to be me.

nothing seem right at all.

please scream at me, i can't take it.

dammit.

i need some room.

not even in the lost and found.

you sent me a message yesterday.

"please be normal tomorrow"

tell me what's normal?

i don't know what's normal and what's not.

i was really confused today.

i don't even feel like talking or anything.

and i was said by someone else for being so cold.

hell, i don't even know who am i becoming or anything.

yet you all are confusing me one by one.

it's becoming really hard to become me.

i don't even know who am i anymore.

i just feel like shut the fuck up and stay somewhere where nobody will ask me to be this and that.

don't ask me to be what or what, i'm not an actress.

it's becoming really retarded for me.

you don't know, you really don't.

i think i've changed.

it's amazed, i managed to change within such a short period of time.

don't judge.

[ ps : i think i like girls too. 'm a bisexual.]

anyway, while working at zouk yesterday, i'm totally disgusted by guys.

i admit there's so many pretty boys yesterday and i so almost nose bleed.

but got this particular ass, turned me off totally.

so practically, he was with his group of friends.

but he came down to wine bar with 2 of his female friends for a drink.

i'm not eavesdropping, it's like they are standing at the cashier area.

so, this guy, he's not bad looking or maybe you can say, attractive.

and the girls are not bad.

but through their conversation,

what i heard is that this guy, apparently have a girlfriend.

so they kept drinking and he was like hugging the 2 girls.

left and right, but this was okay.

friends do that, no harm.

but what gross me is that, one of the girl, rested her arm at the guy's crotch area.

i don't know whether are they too high or it's unintentional?

but the guy, apparently enjoying it.

later the rest of the group joined them.

and this guy,was like holding to the girl's waist and touching the girl's leg.

you know, when you seduction another party like that, soft touches.

and obviously, the girl knew what was the guy doing cause she's fucking looking at the hand.

later that part, the guy and girl stand up and they were like holding each other on the waist.

yes, they look like couple but 'm sure, super sure, they are not.

cause of the conversation before all these happened.

the guy fucking have a girlfriend.

and he left off earlier with his female friend.

oh man, he's a fucking jerk.

he just made me hate guys so much more.

goodness, i really don't understand guys.

but lucky for me, my guys friends are not like that.

least i hope.

all the misses, seriously.

omg, i miss clubbing.

but i miss my better complexion more.

no make up, just out like that.

gosh, what's happening to me now?

thursday quickly come!

i wanna go dblo/play.

be it whether am i going alone or what.

I WANNA GO CLUB!

seriously.

i don't feel like talking much.

not anyone at all.

outcasted.

be gone, for good.

i don't feel like being nice anymore.

it's tiring.

i don't wanna be naive anymore.

it upset me.

i don't wanna be a fool anymore.

it make me laugh with tears.

i don't wanna be stupid anymore.

it's killing me.

i'm really depressed for some retarded reasons.

i don't wanna spell it out.

it's like i feel like laughing at myself so much.

but i know it will make me look really retarded.

felt slight better after telling Peijun part on what's happening.

but i can't bring myself to say much more.

i'm too foolish and willing.

blame it on me.

i feel alone.

who's there?

nobody.

time for it, no more of the innocence.

so so so, i'm going to be what you all think of me.

if you don't believe me, i'll give you all the lies.

if you think i can never quit clubbing, i'll just club like crazy.

if you think i'm easy, i'll be.

i won't bother to defend myself anymore.

it's all too tiring.

you will make me who am i then.

enough, stop saying me.

don't tell me anything.

i don't need explanation or anything.

if you think it is, then it is.

you don't understand.

excuses, i had enough of it.

everything seem the same.

just like how it was that time.

don't tell me i'm nice or anything.

i don't take that, you don't know anything.

stop pushing blames and fault on me.

i need a breather, life's becoming really hectic for me.

seriously i don't know what to do now.

not that i don't wanna attend, it's just that my emotions are in a mess.

i don't know how to face it.

and you just say it right into me.

you making me worst.

you didn't even ask what's wrong.

you just accused me like this.

you don't know how it feels when tears just roll down like that.

it sucks to have this kind of life.

when everything is seriously an act.

nobody understand.

when you accelerate too fast, it crashed.

when you decelerate, you feel stupid.

when you go a normal speed, everything just goes bumpy.

TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!

i don't care anymore.

i feel like an idiot at this very moment.

why i didn't die in place of my grandmother?

just stab me hard.

keep it left, keep it right.

if you know, if you know.

i love my friends, they are my loves.

be it new or old, fat or thin.

:)

my one crazy girl, jasmine chye.

she's random and i can talk almost anything to her.

once i meet her, i can't stop talking to her.

i'm glad i went that night.

:D

Jac Jere Flora Felicia.

school's life is completely different with them around.

yes, i bet we're really noisy in the class.

but, who cares? i love it.

girls, please let me concentrate in class.

2 more months to exams.

i must start studying and pay attention.

HAHAHA!

it's beginning of the new sem!

BITCH!

anyway, i'm looking for my lover.

i don't exactly have her photo.

but i've got a rough sketch on how she look like.

please help me keep a look out of her.

she's one person that stole my whole heart away.

i miss her badly.

if found, please contact me.

bloodylife.jacqualine@hotmail.com

thanks a million.

:D

when one is pathetic, nothing seem beautiful.

yes, call me pathetic.

nobody really bother about me.

in another word, my existence don't really matter.

whatever is it, yes you hurt me.

i thought you and i were really close.

but actual fact, it seem to be just a pathetic act.

i would wait for you till your a levels end.

i understand how stress you will be.

i didn't really wanna bother you as well.

but now, you show me that, i'm no importance.

if you change your number, you could just tell me.

if you don't have my number, you can check it out from others or just ask me online.

and hell yes, you didn't even inform me.

you can chat with everbody, go out with everybody, cept for me.

you don't know how it feels.

i tried really hard to at least date you out for a dinner date.

just a 5 mins will be great.

but you just gave me tons of rejections or ignores.

i'm really disappointed in you.

you don't know how much our friendship means to me.

i don't know what it means to you, but enough.

you did everything that were so wrong.

gracie, i'm disappointed with you, thoroughly.

enough of it already.

we're strangers.

just a little random, continue to be random.

HAHA! this is an ugly and weird picture of mine.

but i love it!

i'm not pretty, just plain!

love me or hate me, i don't really bother.

:D

somehow, somehow..

GIVE ME A P-PLATE PLEASE!

dumb.

bring on the joy.

everybody thought i couldn't make it the first time.

so did i thought so too.

but, i've did it in the first try!

i've passed my driving!

thought it's really a just pass.

but i still passed and got the license!

but i've got no car to drive.

:(

you just don't understand why

if i want to, i would have right at the beginning.

what for you fucking want to expose me.

now i can feel bad luck coming, charging towards me.

you may say i'm thinking too much.

cause you don't fucking understand.

i'm seriously pissed.

super duper i'm telling you this.

you all just don't understand.

now i don't even have a dim of confidence anymore.

thanks so much.

i so don't feel like talking to anyone now.

seriously, pissed.

being doubtful about and un-appreciated.

hell out of it.

i'm just trying to help and hopefully lighten the load of yours.

and what i get in the end?

doubts and questioning.

if you don't know, two heads are way better than one.

so what if i have not done that particular project before?

i've being through the module.

yes, i may not know the exact answers,

but least, i can help to think of the answers, or even research on it.

and you fucking tell me that " if i were you, i'll go to sleep"

fine then, since you said it, i shall just go off and not disturb you.

and ask you to get lost then.

and here you go asking me not to get angry.

i'm not only angry but irritated.

i feel insulted alright.

whatever then, i'll not step into any of your matter anymore.

if you ever ask for help again, i shall not even bother.

i'll just ignore and continue with my stuff.

you're a nice friend to me.

but your acts, kill me sometimes.

i'm not whatever you think i am.

get it?