Killer in the Heart

Accommodations, I always did.
Disappointment, I always get.
Reasons on why I can never smile from heart is obvious.
Thanks to those around, spot yourself.

How much I've given without anything in return?
How much have I ever received?
It's not comparable, don't put it into shame.
Thanks for never being there.

Sometimes I really wish,
Sometimes I really needed,
Yet rejections were gotten in return.
Thanks for being so mean to me.

I did not wrong,
Yet my actions seem to be in need of corrections.
I'm always in wrong in the eyes of yours.
Thanks for making me to be the blame.

I should stop being nice.
I should stop accommodating.
I should stop letting you all to step over me.
Thanks for making me fear.

Spot what you ever did for me.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

back at one spot.

was away in hong kong for holiday.

i did had a great time, but realization came in as well.

thoughts have being running through my mind unconsciously.

i'm really pretty tired of everything.

i'm really tired.

shall reveal more in the next post or so.

be back soon.

The end,

you misled me,

you lied to me,

you captured me,

you dumped me.

not that we are ever together,

and i jolly well know that you have a girlfriend.

but still, why do you wanna do all these to me?

i already tried so hard to ignore all your messages, yet you made soft hearted everytime.

i admit, everything was a mistake since that very time.

i pulled myself away, yet you kept pulling me back.

i felt so alone, you never knew.

and, you just ended it with a text message.

no, i don't feel as hurt as i thought i would.

but this feeling isn't that great as well.

you made me feel like an ultimate slut,

it's all just for your own gains.

you never bothers, you never really care.

i couldn't even have you for the last time.

you lied to me, every single time.

i took everything, foolishly.

goodbye, lover.

MYSELF, happy birthday.

well, i'm finally in me 20.

yes, i no longer 1x.

getting old really fast.

well, i wouldn't say i'm really disappointed with my birthday,

least, i do have friends, Kimberly and clique, and my beloved Serene to celebrate it with me.

i can really tell who's really there for me and who's not.

yes, i'm really disappointed with friends who i thought was closest to my heart.

i really doubt they actually remember my birthday.

why, cause, i've disable my facebook birthday notification.

and true enough, not much people actually wish me.

heartless or forgetful?

i don't really wanna comment on it.

neither do i wanna judge anyone.

i'll just let it pass keeping everything in my heart.

i do seriously hope this year will be better.

thanks Serene for always being there.

though you have school early in the morning, at 8am, you still make the effort to be there.

and yes, you bear with the killer heels pain.

oh, and the almost-caused-me-dead super flaming lambo.

so much loved, seriously.

thanks Peijun, darling, for delivering my present to my doorstep though i'm not home.

it did surprised me, and i feel touch.

i actually thought you did forget about my birthday.

but, love you for this small little surprise.

promise, i'll buy you another ring. :)

thanks Kimberly for partying with me tonight.

accompanied me throughout, especially those heated up experiences.

thanks for forgoing your studies for a night just to party with me.

sorry that i must have bored you with my smoking breaks.

but you're so much loved.

well, pretty pathetic when i sincerely have this few to thank.

but i really do appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart.

anyway, thanks for the wishes people.

simple words make one feels better.

loves to those whom i know now.

All I just wanted, everything to be fine.
Least to enjoy, yet it never ever happened.
Cried myself to sleep every now and then.
I've never ever liked it.

I just want a happy birthday.
Why is it so tough?
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

How true that blood is thicker than water?
But not ever in my case.
I trusted you so, yet you are not even there.
Not even a least of thoughts to my birthday.

I told you why and explained.
Yet you insisted to ask me to give another chance.
You don't know how terrifying is it for me.
I could never get away from those happening.

Nobody bothers about me, even on my birthday.
Probably, I should really thanks you all for it.
Damn fuck, I should not even celebrate it now.
Maybe, just being alone is better than anything.

Wait, does anybody even knows it's my birthday this coming sunday?
Fuck and die.

Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

agony.

i hate to see birthday celebration.

when i know, mine will never be as great as theirs.

yes, i admit, i'm jealous and filled with envy.

only if you know how i spent my past 8 years of birthday.

i really wish, somehow.

just for a better birthday without ending up in tears.

just some people to shower me in surprises and love.

yet, it never happened.

close to it, but all ended up being screwed.

i don't know whether is it fated or pure coincidence?

i give up, i should have just give up long ago.

but i always crave for something.

it's coming, 6 more days.

disappointment will be filled, i know.

probably, nobody remembers, nobody knows about it.

fuck it, i've just like a dust particle.

goodbye.

Remembering back then,
Remembering everything that had once happened.
Looking at now,
Looking at all the happening, realising how much have changed within such a short period of time.

Misses is unavoidable.
But what can be done?
There isn't a way to revert back.
Things left there, can never be retrieve.

Bid them goodbye,
Yet traces of imprint are left.
Where's the rainbow that supposed to show?
It seem to have lost it's way.

Is it a saddening tragic?
Or is it a miserable happy ending?
No words to add on,
It has to be ended there.

Who's the author who wrote everything?
We, ourselves.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld