give me a breather.
don't let me worry anymore.
grow up.

you're a friend of mine whom i don't tell my problems to yet feel closest with.
why i won't wanna tell you my problems?
ask yourself, how many times have you leak it out to people who i don't feel close with?
how many times have you make me felt betray?
you're not even here for me.
other people are more important at me.
words don't mean anything, action explain all that i need to know.

you're the one that i worried most.
yet, you don't even know.
i've explained enough on what's more important.
but yet, you're giving it up yourself everytime.
i tried hard to pull you back and break your fall.
yet, what i did is good for nothing.

i'm tired, yet you don't care.
you want everything to go in your ways.
is that what friends are for?

i'm writting all these cause i feel that i shouldn't hide anymore.
everything might turn ugly after this.
but i really need to let you know.

first or the first?

this is when i realise,
there isn't anyone for me.

scroll down my phone list,
somehow, all of them seem to be strangers to me.
tears filled my eyes, yet i couldn't let it drop.

i thought it wouldn't affect me that hard.
i didn't want to know the fact, yet i know the fact long ago.
i want to run away from it, yet everything happen just so yesterday.
or is it this early morning?
it crash on me hard.

time is really running out.

I WANNA GO DRINKING!
WILL SOMEONE FUCKING GO WITH ME?!

anyway, i'm addicted to something.
i shouldn't name it.

i feel old to do alot of things.
arrgh.
i'm only 18 for goodness sake.
chhhhhhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee byyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeee!

this is when i know that they are all just selfish people.

they who don't bother about whether you don't know.
just satisfy themselve, leaving you begging for help.
yet they just don't give you a damn and change the topic.

thanks for teaching me this instead.

"what's up dude? why you want me that way?"
that's just a random phrase that came into my mind.
it's not specifically for anyone.

had a great time yesterday.
yes i really did, thanks dude.
another of my wants is fulfilled.
addiction is just another thing.

the thoughts i had, leaving it unsaid.
no words to put in place, just a blank look.
a look in the eyes, isn't just something extraordinary
none have to say, use those imagination.

off to study for my last paper.
DATE ME OUT SOON!
:)

another about 12 hours and 25 mins to my 1st paper.
i've not study much yet, screwed.

i'm recovering at least better than yesterday.
thanks for the concern people.

i should be flying off to japan on 16 sept.
can't really wait.
:D

flu, cough, sore throat, puke, what's next?
i'm feel weak and dizzy.

maybe, i'm not even 5cents worth.
thanks.

i'm sick again when exams period are just round the corner.
thanks health.

flu, cough, sore throat.
fuckertard.

words need not to be said.

actions show everything.

everything is drifting just like us.

we were always once close, but yet now we're trying hard to be.

it's meaningless, tiring.

you leaving with what's new.

leaving what's old and the past.

it isn't something bad, but an unavoidable process.

i don't blame, maybe i'm like that too.

i thank you for what you have gave.

i blame myself for not trying hard enough.

this is just part and parcel of friendship.

who ever said friends last forever?

RANDOM BITCH.

HAHA!
i know i'm not pretty.

PS: 1 person know my private blog by chance. sigh.

a moment i was happy crap.
and now, at this very moment, i feel like tearing.
but it's like, who bothers about me.
it's like i'm driving to have split personality.

i'm feeling very vexed now.
seriously.

i think i need a breather.

happy 18 years and 4month old, BYTCH!

well, i'm happy and satisfied that's all i can say.
it's okay to be that way, i won't ask for more.

you brought me to cloud nine.
:)

" happy birthday to you,

happy birthday to you,

happy birthday to SINGAPORE,

happy birthday to you."

that was the song my group and i sang yesterday.

:)

HAPPY belated BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

yesterday too mark the end of the whole NDP sessions.
it's like time really past quickly.
my team, guess, won't meet up anymore.
take care people.

met up with karen and jeremy's gang.
had some chill out session through the bbq.
had some heart-to-heart chat with karen.
had some great laugh, it'd been a long time.
:)

Shafiq.The sleephead.
Jacq&Karen

problems add on, my mind left unconscious.

i feel so detach.
i can't stop myself from tearing.
i feel so helpless, unwanted and un-appreciated.
tired..

i'm really tired.
no matter how hard i tried, it's not working at all.

for the past 2 days, i barely have 6 hours of rest.
i'm already exhuasted yet i still take out time.
but it's not appreciated at all.

maybe you don't know, but i thought it will be worth.
but i'm wrong, you wasted my time.
you didn't even bother to try.
no matter how i tried to encourage you.

maybe it was my fault for getting things hot.
but, all i wanted you is to get it.
you said you wanna learn, but i don't see it so.
it's not easy to teach.

you just left me there.
didn't even bother to tell till you were out on the road.
reason that you gave, don't wanna get cold shoulder.
well, you let me know, i'm just nothing.
thanks.

i'm really tired, nobody bothers;
i've lost another friend.

never ever go phuture on wednesday.
unless you gonna go in like around 8pm.
that's for ladies.

yes, i went clubbing today.
it have been awhile.
went with a group of secondary schoolmate and classmates.
it wasn't really good somehow.perhaps,
we are tired for don't know what reason.

I HATE THE FEELING OF BEING GRIND!
especially in the club.
don't try to be funny with me i'm warning you.
unless, you're someone i know you? maybe.
you may think i'm weird.
but that's me.

throughout the times in club today,
i've been thinking over something that also make me go crazy.

i really wonder.

Eric, Wilkie, Bises, Nicholas

The Retarded Bytch.

GOOD NIGHT!

it have been really a long time ever since i've done manicure or padicure.
well, of course, i did it myself.
i'm a poor kid, you all should know.


it's not very pretty or blink.
just a simple work done.
maybe, next time, i'll do something nice.
maybe, i'll remove tomorrow when i wake up.
i'm bored.


i need to study hard tomorrow.
test on thursday. eiks!
tomorrow day time is for studying.
night time, i shall party, i hope.
:)

people die everyday.
it's not a choice.
it's saddening, but what else can we do?
we can't really go against fate.

anyway, my mind is still in an swirl.
i don't know what am i thinking now.
but nothing i'm thinking now seems right.
i need help, seriously.

it's a really lazy sunday today.
but i did something that i quite wanna do for the past few days.
that is, jogging.
although the distance is not far, but i'm satisfied.
:)

thinking through what have happened recently, have some serious reflection on it.
i'm gonna work extra hard this couple of weeks.
to mend part of what i miss.
be it health, studies or anything.

i'll put some un-important aside for now.
cause, there's something that i really have to do.
maybe nothing for others, but certainly something to me.
aftermath, i wanna put a big smile on my face .

no more time is gonna be wasted, i hope.

POST #123

well, time really flies.
was a little sick and weak today.
woke up with a fever and a numb head.

remembering drinking a bottle, or two, of beers.
pouring my problems to my good friend.
sharing with him on the why and pain.
he gave a perfect listening ear.
that's all i really needed.
thanks dude.

i'm a little better now.

i really doubt i will have anyone who are in my shoes now.
i'm not sad, but just lost.

who really understands?
i'm like a shadow of others.
fuck it.

it's August already.
with a blink, 7 full months have past.
what have i fulfilled this year?
nothing much actually.
seems like i'm wasting my life away.

i realised i've missed out alot of things.
yea, maybe it's me, i chose to run away.
i'm just timid and afraid of the fact.
do you know?

is it too late now?
is it too late for me to work hard?
show me, how should i survive for the rest.
tell me, it's not too late start all anew.
guide me, how to walk through this rocky path.
teach me, the importance of lives.
remind me, not to fall back to the darkness of the path.

am i just a useless bitch who only know how to do silly and unimportant stuff?
why am i so silly that i did all those harms?
i'm just killing my organs and hurting those who care.
why didn't i think of it before i did such silly acts?
how much more can i hold before i shattered like the fallen tears?

i need to know, yes i really do.
give me those strength, stand by me to support me.
i'm afraid of falling and fail like a loser.
i know i'm already a loser.
don't remind me.

i need a way to shout out all my rants.
a proper way to vent all my stress and emotions.
i need proper reflection of life.
i need to be strong once again.

turn me over for a new leaf.
tell me that i can do it.
support me well, prevent my falls.
encourage me, guide me right.
i'll be able to do it sooner or later.

jacq, work hard.

even there's nobody, you gotta climb up yourselve.
no more depending on others.
in this realistic world, everybody is selfish.
think for yourselve before others.
maybe that's why you fell.