Express.

Tell me a way, a method.
Tell me how, an explanation.
Tell me the directions, lead the way.
Stop the tears flowing, I'm sick of it.

How to express everything into words?
I need to share, yet I'm not up to it.
I can't do it right, nobody understands.
Bottom everything up, that's all I can do.

How many things I have been hiding?
There's nobody I can really tell.
Everybody seem to be a lie.
Actor and actress, you're not needed.

I'm so much in debt.
Financially, emotionally, physically and mentally.
How bad can everything be when all pours on me?
I need an escape..

Bring me away.
Put me behind the bars.
I'm nothing, but criminal in life.
Lost in agony.
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INSANITY.

you don't know the feeling of the receiver.

you don't know the feeling of the person been played.

you don't know the feeling of know something so crude.

you know nothing about all these.

it's driving me insane with all the running thoughts.

it's driving me insane with every scene and sentence replaying.

it's driving me insane with having to act i'm perfectly normal and fine.

everything is really driving me insane.

i wanna be true to myself.

i wanna open up to let people help me for once.

i wanna erase all these nightmares and live anew.

feeling so tough and uneasy in this state.

every moment i feel like i'm a joker.

every moment i feel like i can just die with all these nonsense.

every moment i feel like i should just breakdown and end everything.

i really do not want to continue this way any longer.

somebody, save me.

Yet another, lies.

tell me why,

why my life revolves around lies?

everybody just lie to me.

there's no truth to anything.

i'm feeling terrible,

i can't stop crying.

why must things end up this way?

i wish to isolate myself.

i'm just another girl.

probably another satisfying toy for you to fool around.

you don't know how much it hurts,

cause it's not happening to you.

kill me in silence, you're doing it.

pain me with tears, where scars stay forever.

put on another act, deceive me once again

reveal the truth, hurt is becoming an usual.

ended up, i'm a joker once again.

Addiction.

rules are set, i broke it.

i couldn't control.

it have became an addiction.

uncontrollable addiction.

i thought i've stopped it well.

but that doesn't seem to be the case.

a little poison arouse it back to one point.

i'm such a failure.

how do i face up?

unbelievable truth.

there's a monster in me,

i can't get rid of.

i have to stop it, beyond acceptance.

True.

How many lies have to be made?
For show, for comfort, for attention?
Is there a need for all these?
I really doubt so.

Why can't we just live how we suppose to be?
Everything shall be the truth.
No lies or tales.
It will never happen.

I'm scare, I'm afraid.
Everything have it's mask.
I can't see the truth of anything.
Should I be like that?

I start to fear.
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Needed.

all i really needed is just someone to be true.

i don't want to be the only one who keep giving.

receiving is so much needed in me as well.

i need someone to treat me well, at least not in this way.

i'm changing slowly.

a need to protect myself.

i've lived long enough in deny.

treating myself better is much in need.

don't make use of me to satisfy your need.

i'm not a toy for you to that.

don't treat me like an idiot when i don't retaliate.

i'm not that somebody who you can step on.

treat me real, i'm a human.

emotions and thoughts do fill me up.

i do bleed and get hurt.

i do fear and get scare.

i'm not dead.

ponder and reveal.

sometimes i really wonder why am i so emotional.

it's like i can cry myself to sleep, not in mood to do anything.

and i'll just feel like hiding at home and be in my bed.

is this normal??

it is not as if i have some major breakups,

someone left me for good in another world,

family abuse or any kind of unfortunate stuff.

but why do i always feel so down?

no wrong that there are guys trying to make fool of my life.

theoretically, fuck and died.

yes, they tried to get me in the wrong dirty disgusting way.

do i even look like a free whore to you?

you guys gross me up.

if i'm lacking of control, i'd have slapped you and waking you up.

don't ever treat girls in all these manner, show them some respect.

but yet, guys just can't be bothered with their vertical sticks.

money is probably another stressful stuff for me.

i've been spoil since i'm young.

not that i get hundreds to spend but i do get what i want most of the time.

but now, everything is so different for me.

there's nobody to buy things for me, not even on birthday.

everything i want i have to work to get it.

be it just a simple dress or maybe some relaxing meal.

sometimes i feel so pathetic when my pals have to accommodate my budget.

there's so many bills for me to pay up,

there's so many things i have been longing to get.

there's so many and so many, the list seem to be endless.

if only i can strike it big instantly.

family seem to be taxing me in all areas.

money, time and emotions.

they don't seem to understand me at all.

i'm only a 20 year old kid.

i know, i'm not that young, but i do have my limits.

i need the care and concern that can only be given by family.

i'm not a superwoman who can handle everything alone.

give me some family time, and let me reminiscent.

how many of you are left in my list, friends?

i can pathetically count the number of you with one hand.

why do you all leave me here all alone?

do you know that i miss you all so much?

you all seem to have rejected me and forgotten my existence.

as much as i wish to ring you all up, i don't know where to begin.

you all seem to be so distance away from me,

"hello" doesn't seem to be able to reach your side.

i've never been confident with my looks.

yes, i admit i am another ugly and fat living in this world.

every time i look in the mirror, feeling of dejected overwhelm me.

"how can i be prettier?" i constantly asking myself.

perhaps make up help, but it's not real, a lie.

i certainly do envy people with natural beauty.

no make up yet they still stand out from the crowd.

why can't i just be like them?

even if i put on make up, i'll still never stand out or look any better.

i seriously do feel disgusted with my looks and size.

i do wish to hide or run away when i'm out with all kind of glamorous people.

i don't feel good seeing people.

all in all, i'm unhappy.

Nobody!



I hate to be nobody!
Honestly, I don't sound out that doesn't mean I no emotion.
How much do you want me to do?
I had enough!

I suffering so much cause I though you are okay.
But fuck you seriously!
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Leaving.

is that a choice for all?

leaving, everything seem to be so empty now.

misses and memories will be left.

but guess, there's no other choices.

holding on, wishing that all will stay or return.

impossible, i know.

just another empty hope.

yet none will know.

nothing will be voice out.

remain silent is what i can do.

no words to be said to increase the pressure.

all have their choices.

i certainly will miss you people.

but i doubt you will do so too.

i'm just another passerby.

have no stand in anything.

take care in everything.

Losing myself.

darkness filled everywhere i move.

i could no longer see or feel what's ahead of me.

even the light from my cigarettes seem to be useless.

drowning with the booze yet i'm wide awake with the emotions and thoughts.

i'm losing myself, could no longer hold back.

i'm weak, brave front does not exist anymore.

exhausted till the point of breaking down.

no more strength to hold back those heavy tears.

shadows come and go,

nightmares haunt me every night.

i fear for all these,

please don't do this to me.

somebody, someone.

everything is just a pack of lies.

i don't wanna hear, i don't wanna know.

i rather suffer with those remains.

i needed a living, not dead.

the feeling is so strong, drowning me.

feeling so uncertain, so unsure.

nobody's here.

alone.