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ponder and reveal.
sometimes i really wonder why am i so emotional.
it's like i can cry myself to sleep, not in mood to do anything.
and i'll just feel like hiding at home and be in my bed.
is this normal??
it is not as if i have some major breakups,
someone left me for good in another world,
family abuse or any kind of unfortunate stuff.
but why do i always feel so down?
no wrong that there are guys trying to make fool of my life.
theoretically, fuck and died.
yes, they tried to get me in the wrong dirty disgusting way.
do i even look like a free whore to you?
you guys gross me up.
if i'm lacking of control, i'd have slapped you and waking you up.
don't ever treat girls in all these manner, show them some respect.
but yet, guys just can't be bothered with their vertical sticks.
money is probably another stressful stuff for me.
i've been spoil since i'm young.
not that i get hundreds to spend but i do get what i want most of the time.
but now, everything is so different for me.
there's nobody to buy things for me, not even on birthday.
everything i want i have to work to get it.
be it just a simple dress or maybe some relaxing meal.
sometimes i feel so pathetic when my pals have to accommodate my budget.
there's so many bills for me to pay up,
there's so many things i have been longing to get.
there's so many and so many, the list seem to be endless.
if only i can strike it big instantly.
family seem to be taxing me in all areas.
money, time and emotions.
they don't seem to understand me at all.
i'm only a 20 year old kid.
i know, i'm not that young, but i do have my limits.
i need the care and concern that can only be given by family.
i'm not a superwoman who can handle everything alone.
give me some family time, and let me reminiscent.
how many of you are left in my list, friends?
i can pathetically count the number of you with one hand.
why do you all leave me here all alone?
do you know that i miss you all so much?
you all seem to have rejected me and forgotten my existence.
as much as i wish to ring you all up, i don't know where to begin.
you all seem to be so distance away from me,
"hello" doesn't seem to be able to reach your side.
i've never been confident with my looks.
yes, i admit i am another ugly and fat living in this world.
every time i look in the mirror, feeling of dejected overwhelm me.
"how can i be prettier?" i constantly asking myself.
perhaps make up help, but it's not real, a lie.
i certainly do envy people with natural beauty.
no make up yet they still stand out from the crowd.
why can't i just be like them?
even if i put on make up, i'll still never stand out or look any better.
i seriously do feel disgusted with my looks and size.
i do wish to hide or run away when i'm out with all kind of glamorous people.
i don't feel good seeing people.
all in all, i'm unhappy.
2 comments:
Darling, you're not ugly at all. Even if you really are (which you're totally not), you should not let how you look like affect your emotions. There are people who have no looks but they still have more confidence and they can shine as well. Try to focus on what you have rather than what you lack (afterall we're all humans with flaws so we shouldn't be too harsh on ourselves)
e.g. you got the assets while other sg girls are flat like changi airport, you know how to dress up to look good when some others can't quite match their clothes, you got hair that can be tamed so easily compared to many other girls including me, you have nice eyebrows, etc.
And the most important thing to be thankful about is that our parents borned us with no physial defects. Even though not super chio until everyone will stare at, at least got 2 eyes, 1 nose , 1 mouth that's above average also shiok.
Money-wise, we will not have our allowances one day. And come that day, we may even have to give $$ back to our parents for raising us up. So I guess one day everyone will have to learn how to allocate their budgets properly. I am constantly broke now too. but as long as we spend within our means and seperate the needs from wants, we can survive! At least now we're broke. If 10 years down the road we still cannot control our spendings we may be in deeper shit/debts so at least it's good to start young/now.
Lastly, it's always good to know you have those few friends who really matter. It's always better to have 4 good friends than 400 acquaintances. Winks ;)
Just wanna let you know I really love you as a friend and I don't wanna see you sad. Hurts to know that I can't improve the situation. Take care babe. You're pretty. Don't trust yourself also must trust me I dont care!
I argre with Peijun, who ever said looks make you or break you anyways? Trust me, thats not what makes a girl stand out when their with a lot of ...
I'll send you something to prove it.
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