i've got such a strong urge on not turning up for school.
i don't know how to face the fact.
i'm a drag to the group.
i'm a fucking slacker who drag the group almost all they way down.

realising what the role i'm playing now, is not a good thing at all.
they don't know what i'm thinking.
i can't open up or speak.
i feel lost and mute.
being left-out is something that i should have be numb to by now.
but the feeling is just so ain't great.
alot of things seem to be just the surface.
deep within, nobody truly knows.

i've being feeling so tired and worn out.
i'm just not getting enough rest and understanding.
nobody really know what's going on.
i don't know what to say anymore.
i'm feeling fustrated and a little left out.
what else more can i say?

nobody understand.

everything wasn't really right today.
i don't feel good, i don't feel well.
but who really bother?
:(

anyway, the korean dinner yesterday was simply awesome.
my bytches are great and crappy.
:)

okay, guess i'm so screwed alright.
sorry.

yeah-seh outing yesterday was crappy.
need not to say, i'm as crazy and laughted like some idiot.
yea, they are just a bunch of fun people.

anyway, school last week was simply tiring.
lack of sleep and tight schedule.
doubt next week will be any better.

going shooting with eric tomorrow i guess.
but still not really confirm yet.
i'm craving for some shooting.
but yet, i've no money to shoot.

interview tomorrow.
hope everything will go well.
:)

photos, some other days.

memories of the journey of camp piak 2

back from camp,
it was great, i love my group.
all my darlings, i miss them.
i won't forget the times with them.

birthday is screwed up.
i hate it, seriously.
but i love the greetings from friends.

photos tomorrow, i'm too tired now.

i've finally see wilkie after so long.
had dinner at New York New York.
nic's place to get some stuff and settled at wilkie's condo to chill.
drinking session and cards.
i feel like puking now cause of the stupid shot that eric poured.
it tasted like coconut which i really hated.

eric went mad and pull yau into the pool.
but ended, eric in the pool, yau butt in the pool.
didn't manage to video it down. :(

that's quite all.
i'm too tired and lazy to say more.
shall post photos when i'm back.

off to camp soon. :)

finally, i've baked my bread pudding.
it's rather dry but it's still yummy though it's the 1st try.
any mummy can eat cause it's not sweet.
11 claps for myself.

went to library to complete my 3rd book.
it's rather saddening by the tragic ending.
i didn't expect it to turn out that way.

shopping with my sister is always fun.
it's like free shopping trip and spending someone else money is real great.
but will feel bad a little. :

a piece of shocking new.
unbelievable yet make me real happly.
my bust size, increased!
LAUGH IT OUT MAN!
from 80B to 80C almost 80D!

the aunty must be anyhow luh.
but make me so happy.
i doubt that's the truth though.
it still look the same to me though. :
but i'm still happy! :B

i am having mixed emotional today.
serious, damn it.

happy that i got to shoot and learnt something
kinda sad when i heard something that's not really positive.
guilty cause i didn't accompany my friend when i asked her out and abit left out.
disappointed and still waiting for an asshole jerk to talk to me.

i don't know what's wrong with me.
i told myself not to think about it anymore.
you're just looking down at me and i should be used to it.

where's the long hours of chat?
where's those crappy nights?
whatever, it's all over.
back to basic.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SEBASTIAN!

anyway, didn't get to bake my bread pudding again.
how saddening. :(

i'm going shooting at one of my holiday dream spot again!
i'm happy.
holiday spot : Railway @bukit timah

yesterday was fun.
sentosa with darling.
like my 1st time with her there.
but it's actually the 3rd time.
but 1st time we really had fun there.
did not suntan much but i don't know why i got burnt.

we did "spa" by the beach.
lying and slacking in the sea.
enjoying the waves, chatting lots.
scrabing each other backs.
sand-lump throwing, water slashing.
fish catching, and ate so un-glamly.
etc etc etc.

it's just so much fun alright.
it's really enjoyable and fun-filled.
promiesed to go there again soon.
:)

anyway, i'm feeling as sick as last year.
my throat, my nose, my temperature.
gosh! that's so irritating alright!

PHOTOS

love is the topic for today.
no deny, i've might have to experiance real love.
i've talked sense to someone about love.
and i feel that is should great be reflected on me.

in love, we can't be selfish and locking our love one.
in love, we can't force but only try and find out.
in love, you can't compare but only accept.
in love, don't be too tight or too loose.
in love, don't expect everything to be sure, cause you won't know what come out next.
in love, treasure and enjoy, if not, losing might occur.
in love, learn to forgive and forget.
in love, nothing is sure.
in love, trust and honest.
in love, don't expect returns.
in love, don't seek for it but show it.
in love, tears and heartbroken are make worthy.

there's more, but i think these are the more important ones.
sorry, i've never learnt how to love before.
i shall learn to love and not seek for love.

i'm fucking pissed right now!
i'm fucking sick and he fucking keep asking question!
fucker him, i fucking hate all the guys in my family.
yes i seriously do.

MAYBE I SHOULD HATE ALL THE GUYS!
they are just all jerks.

they just don't understand.

if you all know, i don't need entertainment answers.
i'd rather you all don't reply then giving me shit.

hey come on, don't feel like replying, just don't fucking reply.
don't be a hypocrite, just speak the heart out.

pissed off,

words don't speak anymore.

actions ain't showing up.

a mind of blankness without any data.

a song, a peom, a drama, a story.

they are not making sense anymore.

emptiness is not filled.

fillness is left to drain.

a dream became a nightmare,

a nightmare became reality.

tears are left rolling but ain't waking me up.

i wonder aimlessly.

PHOTOS

(Holga 120 negative)

(Fisheye 2 kodax superia 400 negative)

(Ricoh 35R sensia 200)

i'm speechless.

I don't need you all to understand me when i don't even understand myself.

don't treat me like a kid or fool.
i don't need empty promises or words.
all i want are actions and love.