caring much what other people will feel.
and neglecting how your friend over here feel.
thanks.

you make me feel lousy.
like i'm just a friend worth nothing.
you always do this to me.
it's unfair.

you will ask, why i don't wanna tell you?
cause i know if i tell you, an arguement will start.
and that's the least i ever want it to happen between us.

then why am i typing over here?
cause i could no longer keep it in heart.
it's torturing.
and perhaps, you will read this one day.
and this is the only place that i can openly share my feelings.
it's my blog.

sometimes, i wonder and ponder.
what are friends for?
to make use or supporting and sharing?

well, after so long, 18 years of living, i found the answer.
most of the friends, are just making use of people.
no matter how are well they are treated, "make use" is the only 2 words.
they brag, they tease, they make fun, they just ignore emotions.

heart-to-heart talk?
they don't really exist anymore.
who can i speak to and one who really listen and give advice?
who can i turn to when i'm in need of a shoulder or a hug?
well, nobody.

nobody even know that tears of mine rolled down.
no, i'm not a strong person as i appeared to be.
i'm weak and emotionally fragile.
but who will believe? none.

they don't know the back of me.
they don't know what i'm hidding.
they don't care what's happening to me.
they just fuck care.

it's really tiring that i gotta pretend to be happy in front of people.
they don't know me well.
i'm tired.

this is like crazy madness.
around 9.5 more hours to my 1st test for the day, CA.
around 12.5 more hours to my 2nd paper, DBS.
around 15.5 more hours to my 3rd paper, BIS.
and 18.5 more hours to my NAFA final presentation.
screwed is the only word.

i've totally no mood to study.
and know nuts about CA and DBS.
even BIS, i know nothing much.
NAFA is a sooo plain.
doubt i'll do well.

anyway, i'm feeling really bored.
my nuffnang doesn't seem to working well.
hope it work well soon!
money money come to me.
:(

i've to admit i'm old already.
sleeping early, waking up early.
party too much and you will hear my bone cracking.

i felt relieved yesterday after everything.
no, i didn't cry out any tears.
i'm getting stronger.

with all those happening,
i can't deny i'm still a little sad.
but it's alright, i'll overcome all of it.

i don't know what's in those mind.
neither do i know what's in my mind.
crazy little shit.

does anybody even know how i felt?
TERRIBLE.
it's like telling something to someone,
and topic just ignore just like that.
:(


how i'm suppose to react?
what am i suppose to do?
:(

i sooo feel like going on a holiday.
if i could just win those tickets, somehow, i'll be deadly happy.
eiks.

i need a long break.
i'm tired.

i'm feeling quite screwed now.

BIS MCQ TODAY
CA CT this Friday
DBS Test this Thursday.
NAFA project and presentation due this Thurday.

it's like totally fuck.
i've not done anything much.
have not study for a single module.
know nuts about them.
NAFA project i'm so gonna die.
have not even do anything about it.

FUCK!

i miss Camp Piak II.
it's like alot.
the times spent was crazy.
:(

thinking through everything.
what came in my mind, feeling wasn't great.

i've lost in the game of love
no, we have not started anything.
maybe we did, not it's not a right.

i thought, by that way i've done,
you might fall for me, know how i felt.
but i was wrong.
i guess everything turned out worst.
maybe, i'm just someone for you to make use of.

i've got no courage to speak for my feels.
i've have no confidence to like you.
this is where i've seriously lost everything.

i wanna tell you so much on how i felt.
but i know, i'll fall terribly.
but if i don't say, i'll never know the answer.

i need a new look in everything.
getting sick everything.

i seriously don't understand.
am i borned to be misunderstand?
everybody is misunderstanding me.
thanks!

giving birth to a newborn.
she lovely, adorable and angelic baby.
i'm willing to shower her with the love that's more than needed.

welcome micsha.
:)

pretty moody.
seem like i'm clubbing my life off soon.
it's like, addictive.
but money is a problem.
i'm totally broke.

everything seem to have it's limit.
relationship is incredibly one of them.
somehow, you will know.
what is more than a friend.
what is more than a stranger.
doubt we were be more than what we are not.
what we have done, just seem to be like a need.

i feel really rather lost now.

do you all ever feel sorry for me?
fucking know how i feel?

don't force me to do what i don't want.
don't ask me pass things to someone i don't know.
i'm fucking tired and sick and you fucking ask me to pass it to a stranger.
don't pour good words only when you need help.
it's stupidly sickening.
and you feel that you're in no wrong when i give you the black face,
PLEASE FUCKING THINK AGAIN!

don't keep asking me question when you only listen to others.
i hate repeating myself over and over again.
don't keep pestering me will all the question.
i have limits in myself.
don't try to push your luck on me.
it just won't work well.

disappointment.
making me look so forward to it.
but yet, cause of your habit, everything was ruin.
do you think it's really funny and right?
you never consider anything about me.

i'm really fuck'd up with all these and seriously tired of everything.
i'm not gonna give in and be nice.
i'm so gonna stand up for my right.
enough of the nice side of me.
i ain't giving a fuck to crap now.

FUCK YOU PEOPLE!

I BAKE CUPCAKES!

BEFORE THAT, I WENT TO PLAY.

HE'S MY MENTEE!

EVEN BEFORE THAT, I WENT TO BUY PRESENT FOR MY ANOTHER MENTEE!

2 BOXERS!

BUT ONLY 1 IS FOR HIM

EVEN BEFORE THAT AND BEFORE,
I WENT MASSAGE PLUS BRAZILIAN WAXING WITH DARLING!
A TOTAL SHIOKNESS, RELAXING AND FUN.
SIMPLY LOVE THAT PLACE

NOTHING MUCH.

BYE!

since you all already decided,
why bother to ask?
you all can have time to think about it.
yet i don't even have a shit.
all you all give me is last minute.
that's isn't fair.

do you all even care?
hell no i bet.

you all are getting really selfish to me.
what can i do?
nothing.

there's so much words to say.
and so much to hear.
wordless speaking is ain't helping.

action speak louder than words.
i'm sure you all know that.
those actions were saddening.
yet it doesn't really bother me.

you all are not the only ones i have.
don't think i can't live or survive without you all.
WAHEVER!
it doesn't really matter.

i feel different.
i feel alone.
i don't feel happy with them.

nothing seem to be right.
they getting into their world.
leaving me right behind.

i don't like it.
i don't love it.