Rewind Stop Pause Play Fastforward

that's not it.

as always, what can i do?

i'm fine, i'm okay.

it's not the fact.

just that, i'm used to it.

i've gotta force myself,

i've gotta bend my feelings,

i've gotta let go of my thoughts,

just not to make things ugly.

i'm demanding,

but there isn't a exit for it.

as much as i need to reach out,

the more i get rejected and dump.

make this a joke,

laugh out loud at me.

make me a joke,

treat me as a clown.

i wouldn't mind,

i wouldn't care.

just be there,

that's all i need.

yet, nobody knows,

nobody understand.

misunderstand and left.

what's more to add?

it's done,

i'm losing myself.

where am i?

the past tense.