why? tell me the reason.
why is my immune system so strong?
why do i have to survive even after those 20 pills?
i really wish that i didn't wake up to this fucking world.

why am i only drowsy and woke up in one piece?
i really wanna go.
dearest above, why didn't you wanna bring me along with you?
everything doesn't matter to me anymore.
this sucks.

no updates, not informed for anything.
how sad.

i need help, yet nobody is willing.
thanks

This is Ayden.

he's a very curious boy.
mischa, no worries.
i'll still love you as much. :)

today wasn't feeling very happy.
i don't know why, but it just doesn't seem right.
what's happening?
i bet, my class don't even bother.
well, never mind.

things ain't gonna be the same anymore.
stay strong jacq.

after much thought, i knew it's really impossible.

if it's a dream, let it stay forever.
it's the best sweet dream that i ever had.
a dream that is temporary that will be remembered forever.
thanks for the dream.

i'm falling sick, once again.
deteriorating health is really irritating.
if death were to follow up, i pray that it come now.
i'm satisfied enough to die now.

my sister gave birth.
it's a baby boy.
shall upload his picture soon.
mischa, you are still loved by me for sure.

turned on the tv, last episod of the hongkong drama.
yet another beautiful ending with peace and love.
tears almost flow out, holding it back.
i'm silly, but i couldn't control.

my sister not giving birth today.
tomorrow the baby will be borned.
but i'm gonna visit her in the hospital later with karen.
bringing along some magazines.
:)

thanks Gracie for the sweet message.
"cause i love you" :D

at the later of the day later,
my second sister is gonna give birthday to her baby boy.
:)

Three Girls

Precious, Mischa

The Retard

on a side note, i change my tongue stud myself just an hour ago.
it's like so easy to change luh.
HAPPY SHIT!

The Dull Stud

Shining Gold! :D
(PS: It's not very obvious though)

Shagging boobs! Phone Sex
Blow Job

spent a total of 4 hours on this new skin.
searching, selecting, filtering, designing, editing and finalizing.
i pretty like it, simple.

haven't been feeling really great this whole fucking week.
it seems like, i'm falling into depression real soon, anytime.
i don't know what's wrong with me, but something is certainly not right.
it's really complicated with all the complications around.
sucks absolutely.

i miss those silly past.
indulge in some reminiscing, causes silly smiles and tears.
is it a good or a bad thing?

i'm feeling so unappreciated by a whole bunch of people.
it turn me off absolutly.

Family, friends, studies, stress are the problems.

Depressed

everything is not going my way.

breaking down.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DIONNE!

i'm tired and stress out seriously.
please don't fucking assume anything about me.
you don't know me fucking know me well.
it's irritating alright?!
i mean it.

can you just me a moment of your time?

cold sore, please fuck off real soon!
it's a pain when i look into the damn mirror.
i'm already ugly enough, you make it worst.
fuck.

you-should-know-who-you-are,
it was lousy feeling to think that i could not help anything.
i wanna hold you tight, but i'm afraid.
i don't know how, not that i don't want.

what's the correct code to your heart?
how can i break the invisible wall?
i need a word from you, give it right.
put the burden on me instead.
ain't wanting you to suffer any.

am i burden? am i a rock that make you trip?
tell me so, so i will know.
how can i be there?

i couldn't forget your sweet smile that brighten me up.
show it to me once more, i'll store it carefully.
it's gonna be a precious to me.

you know what i meant, don't you?
i'll wait patiently.
it maybe empty, but it's gonna be worthwhile no matter what.
how long it take, it doesn't matters.

i want you ever so badly.
i can be the shoulders you need.

everything went great last week.
or at least, most of the time.
i met up with who i want to meet up with.
except, my dearest peijun. :(

didn't wanna turn up for class.
cause i felt that, i shouldn't have.
i'm just a pretty much of a stranger.
left alone, not know much of a shit.
how sad.

time alone was not really spent yet.
maybe this week, i'll take time off from everything.
i'm rather tired.

with KAREN

with GRACIE

i feel happy with just a little chat with you.
over the moon when i meet you.
what we did add spices to it.
do you know?
i'll wait.

i won't ask for much.
just a little meet up will do.
not much time is left.
i'm getting worried.

i'm down, cause you are.
you don't share, i don't know.
i asked, no words are said.
you miss her, i teared.
but what else more i can do?
i'm here, you ignored.

you know i love you, don't you?

HAHAH! i'm retarded!
ugly retarded bitch!

i'm a little too tired.
guess, i just need sometime for myself.
mentally and physically exhusted.

emotions overwhelmed.
thanks.

lots of thoughts running through my head the whole day.
but when i wanna typed it into words, it became blank.


anyway, sentosa tomorrow.
i'm happy!
:D



*ps : i can't get into nuffnang website.*
:(

had a great time today with KAREN.
or should i say the time with her is always great.
went shopping, joke around, gossip session and lots of idiotic stuff.
it's retard, but i love it.

can't wait for Wednesday for our SENTOSA trip.
KAREN READ THE LINE ABOVE CAREFULLY!

my fucking display in my laptop is so fucking weird.
what the fucking fuck!

NE1 took place today.
everything was great and cool.
the spectators are friendly except for a few.
i suppose they do enjoy the show.
but what surprise me is that,
some came super late around 6.45 when the show started at 4.
and some left super early like 7 when the show have yet to end.
weird hur?

but overall, it was really great and i wish it will maintain.
that will be sufficient for me.
the NS guys are funny as well.

having to see you just a moment,
it's more than what i can ask for.
it may cost, but the cost are worthed.
what have been exchanged,
brought a smile that hang all day.
the thought of it, bring me to cloud nine.

you may not understand why, you don't have to.
it's just me, my feelings and my thoughts.
i'll wait, cause i know you're the one.
let me be a fool if you think i am.
i'm more willing to do so.

people do think otherwise.
but it's something that they just don't understand.
i'm willing, they are smacking heads.
how hilarious can that be?
:D

all i want, is just one day of your time.
that's all, really.

the 100th post.

i can't seem to be able to control my own life.
i can't express my thoughts, i can't be my fucking self.
what i wanna say-feel-think, seem to have to go through a selective machine.
but, what people say-feel-think, can just shoot me all they want.
what is this suppose to mean?

come'on, i'm a human with feelings too.
i ain't a robort that made of metal and controlled by the controller.
i need to be myself, i want to control my own life instead.
understand me.

if this what friends are meant to be, i doubt it doesn't worth much.
it's really tiring to try your best and nobody appreciate it.
i don't have any much strength to hold on any longer.
but what will happen if i just let go?

today was a fun day.
yes, i skip school again!
i'm just feeling really tired and my head keep hurting.
it's like fuck.

went out with karen for a swim.
venue : kevin's condo
it's like madness i can say.

i have been thinking alot.
what's going on right now.
i just don't get it right in place.

you, maybe you don't worth that much.
but somehow to me, you worth precious.
but to you, i worth not even a dust.
where do i really stand in you?

:D