Time

Look at how time flies.
Things have changed.
Yet, they are left unwritten.
But images remain.

The past are the past,
The new begins.
Life is better,
I hope it will remain.

Thanks for everything.
I'm in such a bliss.
Though path maybe rough,
But things will be well.

I love you baby.

In your eyes..

i'm all to blame.

i think too much.

i'm just too free.

i'm just a passerby.

you never know,

i'm a girl that i need you to be here.

i'm a girl that have been trying really hard to grab your attention.

i'm a girl who willing to go all out for you.

but you just ignored everything about me,

and just focus so much on yourself.

what am i really to you?

i'm beginning to feel lost.

reading the messages you used to send me.

all seem to be so different with the happenings.

you making me feel so depressed.

all i long for is you to at least drop me a text.

everything that have to be related to you,

seem so far away and impossible.

don't you know, do you know?

all i wanted, all that you're giving.

you making me to have so much doubts.

how do you want me to trust you and hold on.

i'm losing my grip slowly.

yet i believe, you will never care.

i feel like a fool.

MYSELF, happy birthday.

well, i'm finally in me 20.

yes, i no longer 1x.

getting old really fast.

well, i wouldn't say i'm really disappointed with my birthday,

least, i do have friends, Kimberly and clique, and my beloved Serene to celebrate it with me.

i can really tell who's really there for me and who's not.

yes, i'm really disappointed with friends who i thought was closest to my heart.

i really doubt they actually remember my birthday.

why, cause, i've disable my facebook birthday notification.

and true enough, not much people actually wish me.

heartless or forgetful?

i don't really wanna comment on it.

neither do i wanna judge anyone.

i'll just let it pass keeping everything in my heart.

i do seriously hope this year will be better.

thanks Serene for always being there.

though you have school early in the morning, at 8am, you still make the effort to be there.

and yes, you bear with the killer heels pain.

oh, and the almost-caused-me-dead super flaming lambo.

so much loved, seriously.

thanks Peijun, darling, for delivering my present to my doorstep though i'm not home.

it did surprised me, and i feel touch.

i actually thought you did forget about my birthday.

but, love you for this small little surprise.

promise, i'll buy you another ring. :)

thanks Kimberly for partying with me tonight.

accompanied me throughout, especially those heated up experiences.

thanks for forgoing your studies for a night just to party with me.

sorry that i must have bored you with my smoking breaks.

but you're so much loved.

well, pretty pathetic when i sincerely have this few to thank.

but i really do appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart.

anyway, thanks for the wishes people.

simple words make one feels better.

loves to those whom i know now.

if only you could,

look into my eyes, connect to my heart.

a need to know, a need to let go.

a touch of sincerity, bring in great miles.

you have to know, yet unknowingly.

how to express, how to make it known.

different words, nothing escape.

plain stupid, an act put on.

what's the point, tears shed.

just one small touch, ownership belongs.

those thoughts, no one can read.

expose it, a need to understand the deepest mind.

a depth of heart, a depth of love.

And I'll never love again,

you came and go, i don't need you.

what you left is just throbbing pain.

it became a stain that remains forever.

causing a phobia that was constantly reminded.

i hate everything that was done.

though i don't regret, but there's just plain hatred.

no, i should be thankful to everything you have done.

you're like taught all the "should not, never not".

everything was just a waste, wasted.

please stop, never great.

just now was great, cept my 2 songs were missing.

yes, today wasn't like any other night.

maybe i've not gone for a normal night for long.

but today my dressing was totally different as well.

me love it many.

maybe, cause of my cough and drowsiness, i'm not that great clubbing mood.

fuck, and thanks to some messages, making it worst.

but oh well, i've got great company with me.

it cures all bad stuff.

thanks Karmen for dancing with me.

sorry that i neglecting you and leaving you in darkness.

i'll remind myself more often, sorry for being such a bitch.

me LOVE you!

thanks Sebby as well.

though it's random, but you came.

and it's like you hate dance floor, yet you were on it.

nice bo?!

okay, i think i've got lots of great people around me actually.

yes, baddies, fuck off and fuck yourself hard.

don't screw me up for some nonsensical stuff.

i don't deserve it.

lots of love,

G'nights.

spin it right, spin it crazy.

club for the last two nights.

wednesday was crazy with all the fun and perspiration.

Phuture air con broke down and leaking water.

and hell yes, it's like a sauna with hell lots of people.

crazy.

thursday was suppose to be nice.

but it's so empty, i'm not used to it.

i wonder why is there so much bollywood people.

they danced like having prata making session.

i'm not refering to all, but those who irritated me.

don't be offended.

but all in all, i love the 2 nights.

great company, great music, great workout.

yes, i go clubbing to sweat it out.

not fishing, just music and burn fats.

photos to be updated again.

'm feeling hell-oh sick.

drowsy.

G'nights

dreams that filled with you, is it good or bad?


twilight down, new mood next.
i'm just so in love.
okay, guess i'm lagging but no blames alright?
mountain turtle, what you expect?

yesterday night i was clumsy.
i pulled my stucked belt too hard and it shoot right into my lower lips.
i don't know how it happened, it's a flash.
pain and numb, bleeding next.
sucks.

i suspect i'll die one night due to coughing.
i'm coughing like a coughing machine.
cough for hours non-stop.
irritating!

i've decided.

i'm gonna leave for my major interest.
i'm not gonna waste anymore time and money on something that i do not like.
instead, i'm going for something else now that at lease give me a jab of adrenalin.

yes, i'm sorry sister for wasting so much of your money.
i'll repay you back and i'll work hard and prove to you that this is the better choice for me.
i'm not gonna regret, cause this is my final choice.

understand me, i don't like to force myself on something that i really dislike.
you might think this is a moment of foolishness, but to me is not.
it's a choice that i've delayed, no time shall be wasted anymore.
love me, trust me.

friends, support me.
remind me to stay focus and do not give up.
this might be a real tough battle for me.
but i believe that i can do it.
put faith in me, i'll prove myself.

loves. :)

goodbye, my love. ♥



I'm invited to Nuffnang's Christmas Party on the 20th December!
another Nuffnang's event.
this time round, i'm bringing Darling, Pei Jun, with me.

Dressing Code : P.
any ideas what i can dress as?
discussing with Darling tomorrow.
but i need more ideas.
:)

Guess 20th December, Saturday, i'll be busy shit!
planned a simple bbq gathering at night after the Christmas Party.
so before that, i gotta go grab food and alcohol.
then there's dinner with family cause of some festival in the Chinese Calender.
argh, i can't wait till Saturday!

anyway, Ettusias having a private sale on this coming friday, 19th December.
anybody interested?

thanks Gracie for the sweet message.
"cause i love you" :D

at the later of the day later,
my second sister is gonna give birthday to her baby boy.
:)

Three Girls

Precious, Mischa

The Retard

on a side note, i change my tongue stud myself just an hour ago.
it's like so easy to change luh.
HAPPY SHIT!

The Dull Stud

Shining Gold! :D
(PS: It's not very obvious though)

had a great time today with KAREN.
or should i say the time with her is always great.
went shopping, joke around, gossip session and lots of idiotic stuff.
it's retard, but i love it.

can't wait for Wednesday for our SENTOSA trip.
KAREN READ THE LINE ABOVE CAREFULLY!

i feel, everything is getting really pointless.
am i trying to hard to get something?
when i thought this is, at least, how it's suppose to be.
i'm feeling really ugly at this point of time.

how am i feeling deep within me?
maybe i need time off to meditate.
i need my time alone, but when can it be?
i'm afraid, afraid that i would just pour everything into tears.
i don't want it to be that way, it doesn't feel right.

i feel really helpless, not that i don't want to share.
it just that, i don't even really know how am i feeling.
i think i need a long break.
but how long will that be before i could have one?

i'm feeling really tired and sick of these.
it's so not me anymore.
i'm like, a puppet being played in a opera.
life-less moving little thing.

i wish that i've loved you less.
so i wouldn't feel that worst if you like anyone.
no, you don't like anyone, i suppose.
but how certain am i?
i just don't quite really know.

if one day, what i'm thinking now turn out to be true, just how am i gonna accept it?
it won't be a nightmare, it's just a sad destiny that i'll have to go through.
but what can i complain about?
it's just a prank that fate is playing.
i've just got to surrender to it.

it's time to work it out and change.
i can do it, i must put efford in.

looks of a person keep changing constantly.
you may remember his/her face.
but you may not be able to recognise him/her 10years down the road.

it's amazing how the hair and browns can affect how someone look like.
a new hair cut, the person may look much prettier or uglier.
most people use their fringe to beautify their appearance.
browns, just a little shaping and trim is needed.
neater, fiercer, smarter and etc, is all affected by the browns.
a person, maybe be pretty/ugly now, but you won't know how he/she maybe change a few years down the road.

like me, i've becoming ugly to uglier.
in secondary school years, my image is much better than now
now, i'm just like a piece of trash that nobody really bothers.
no matter what i do, it's still the same.
just getting worst everyday.
how sad.

to alot of people out there, in this world,
appearance and image are really important.
in my belief, most people go for looks before character.
no deny, i sometimes do that too.
but to me, character will win the appearance.
i wouldn't mind having an ugly boyfriend with the "clicking" character.

everybody have their own standard and taste.
yup, we should not criticise anybody's partner.
something in them, have attracted both of them to be together.
in relationship, there's no right or wrong.
just acceptance is more than enough.

love is blind and a complex thing.

well, petty guys are much more petty than i thought.

the night medication cause super drowsiness.
even after a night rest.
but i did not have a good sleep.

my body is getting weaker.
getting sick frequently nowadays.
am i thinking too much or what?
love sick? HA, hell no.
but i do miss someone.

on a side note :

fairytales are so unreal.
reality seem to be unreachable.
what's else more can i take?
it's nothing, they will fade.
this what i hope for one day.
not now, but later on.

oh well, medication is taking effect.
guess i'm piercing my tongue tomorrow.
pray hard for me.
:)

tell me please, who am i to you?
who am i to me is no longer important.
but who am i to you is a meaning.
i long for the chats we used to have.

if that's a mistake, i shouldn't have made.
i should have know myself well.
tell me what else can i do to make up for it?
i'm sorry.

seem like we are crashing in all ways.
what you want, isn't what i expect.
what i want, is not what you want.
we have different think, different mind.
maybe this was the reason that we have been searching for ages.
the difference in us that didn't made us together.

you might not have realise this.
but it's surfacing to reality.
maybe, after tomorrow, we will know what we want.
we ain't make for each other in all sense.
it's sad to say, but guess we're just friends in all.
there's no further explanation needed.

today i've finally realised.
i'm not a happy girl no matter how hard i tried.
maybe just for a moment, but not for long.
i don't know what wrong with me,

today i've the huge urge to dash through the busy road.
seem like a perfect way of ending this torture.
the picture of ending it seem wonderful.
my life, it's just another dreadful mistake.

my mum, should have abort me in the first place.
so there wouldn't be so much suffering in me.
no, i don't blame her for the decision she made.
but, it's just one silly mistake she have made.
if time were to return to that point, what the decision will be?

in this past 18 years, i believe there's lots of regrets.
one who is truely happy, should have no regrets.
but why am i full of it?
i seem to be so different from others.
pictures with me in it, are not perfect.
i'm sorry for making it so.
i've got no control.

i somehow pray that, tomorrow the scan will be a negative one.
it will create my very first step towards death.
i pray hard for it.