Time

Look at how time flies.
Things have changed.
Yet, they are left unwritten.
But images remain.

The past are the past,
The new begins.
Life is better,
I hope it will remain.

Thanks for everything.
I'm in such a bliss.
Though path maybe rough,
But things will be well.

I love you baby.

Neglected.

my health, my family, my friends.

i believe that i've neglected them totally cause of my selfish wish.

yes, that's to earn money for my birthday.

it's only a about 2 more weeks away.

i've been so busy and tired till i barely even have the time to type over here.

and i believe, my total funds now is barely even 500.

can any kind soul just give me some amount?

just a dollar, i'll appreciate it.

lots of alcohol in my body now.

thanks to my job.

no, i don't get drunk.

but my body seem to be getting weaker.

i couldn't get enough sleep.

i can't sleep well, nightmares.

they can't seem to stop bothering me.

someone, somebody, please put me to sleep.

i do wonder, if my choice is right.

but since it's made, i can't do much about it.

regrets, not my type.

i've gotta live with it well.

make me grow up, i need to be stronger.

i don't have anybody with me.

all my friends, they seem to be not around.

my family, speechless.

i don't have a boyfriend, i can't be bother.

i don't believe in love, i can't.

i don't wanna be fooled over and over again.

it's pathetic.

love me, don't you?

never.

number 302, it's the same.

how long have it been that things were this way?

it seem like everything is in a drama now.

it's too much of a hectic, too much of emotions.

nothing seem really normal.

everything is just an act.

i doubt many will understand.

i'm so worn out.

not even knowing what's real.

with a blink, everything changes.

i'm so tired.

just then, feeling ever so lousy.

dearest o9o6o9,

today i feel really lousy.

i'm upset and it makes me feel really terrible of myself.

yes, maybe i'm not a good friend.

i'm really trying so hard and yet, i failed so terribly.

i'm not a good friend, i never know how.

people treat me just like a pillar.

ignoring the presence when not needed.

but yet lean on it when feeling tired.

i don't mind this fact, cause i know i'm in some help.

but it does hurt me sometimes when ignoring get overloaded.

it makes me feel that, my presences is just so insignificant.

my opinion, my views, everything about me, is just override.

i'm not important, it's okay.

i don't matter, it's okay.

i don't have a stand, never mind.

give me a breather, some respect.

maybe that's all i need.

when you all just decide, and making it final without even asking me.

that's what made me upset.

i made my views, all so not important.

other people views, hell yes and agreement.

how do you feel if you're in my shoes?

great? happy? joyful?

i doubt so.

sometimes i feel like a fool for being a friend.

in friends, you don't need consideration.

you don't have to consider whether to continue the friendship or what.

it seems so sick and make me feel really retarded.

once a friend, is always a friend, this is my statement.

even if now you hate me, dislike me, drifted away,

but one day if you need help, i'm oh-so-willing to help you out.

this is me.

i'm going really easy on everything.

i don't wanna voice some stuff out,

cause i don't want everything to turn so ugly or anything.

i just want it to drift away.

leave me out, i keep my silence.

making joke out of me, i'll laugh with you.

shout at me, i'm all ears to it.

ignoring me, i'll just forget it.

i'm easily affected,

that's all.

Signing off,

Jacqualine

losing myself and becoming someone else, so not me.




i'm so emotional these few days.
don't really feel like talking.
it's like there's so much things running through my head.
i have to put it off, PUT IT OFF.

things are haunting me more than like a nightmare.
it makes me feel so wrong, so wrong to be around.
yes, it's making me losing myself.
everyday i wake up, i felt slight difference.
not positive, but towards the negative.

i'm beyond redemption, beyond salvation.
everyday, seem so strange and blur.
i can't remember what i really did.
just let the time pass me by, so easily.

this is so no good.

it have been really tiring for me.

tears were bound to drop yet hanging it those eyes.
feeling really down, yet i've got nobody to turn to.
scroll down that list, yet i seem to know nobody.

i told myself to be strong, yet i'm such a weakling.
i still thinking about it, i can't accept.
i know it all along, but the fact in words pierce even deeper.
tell me what can i do to change and amend?
it sucks to be me when i'm losing myself ever so slowly.

everything seem to be changing but not me.
give me those drinks and make me drunk.
numb me for a moment, and let it be long.
let me drop and fall, to the endless pit.
let me cry, with those endless flow.
call me up, and tell me that i'll be fine.
it's gonna be a lie, yet, i don't know how can feel better.

slap me awake, i beg and pray.
time is running out, yet nothing much can be done.
what i what, is not what it will be.
all have a choice, yet i give in to any choices that were made.
i've lost myself ever since.
i can't find it back anymore.

i'm tired, tell me what should i do?

words need not to be said.

actions show everything.

everything is drifting just like us.

we were always once close, but yet now we're trying hard to be.

it's meaningless, tiring.

you leaving with what's new.

leaving what's old and the past.

it isn't something bad, but an unavoidable process.

i don't blame, maybe i'm like that too.

i thank you for what you have gave.

i blame myself for not trying hard enough.

this is just part and parcel of friendship.

who ever said friends last forever?

i really doubt i will have anyone who are in my shoes now.
i'm not sad, but just lost.

who really understands?
i'm like a shadow of others.
fuck it.

it's August already.
with a blink, 7 full months have past.
what have i fulfilled this year?
nothing much actually.
seems like i'm wasting my life away.

i realised i've missed out alot of things.
yea, maybe it's me, i chose to run away.
i'm just timid and afraid of the fact.
do you know?

is it too late now?
is it too late for me to work hard?
show me, how should i survive for the rest.
tell me, it's not too late start all anew.
guide me, how to walk through this rocky path.
teach me, the importance of lives.
remind me, not to fall back to the darkness of the path.

am i just a useless bitch who only know how to do silly and unimportant stuff?
why am i so silly that i did all those harms?
i'm just killing my organs and hurting those who care.
why didn't i think of it before i did such silly acts?
how much more can i hold before i shattered like the fallen tears?

i need to know, yes i really do.
give me those strength, stand by me to support me.
i'm afraid of falling and fail like a loser.
i know i'm already a loser.
don't remind me.

i need a way to shout out all my rants.
a proper way to vent all my stress and emotions.
i need proper reflection of life.
i need to be strong once again.

turn me over for a new leaf.
tell me that i can do it.
support me well, prevent my falls.
encourage me, guide me right.
i'll be able to do it sooner or later.

jacq, work hard.

even there's nobody, you gotta climb up yourselve.
no more depending on others.
in this realistic world, everybody is selfish.
think for yourselve before others.
maybe that's why you fell.

why? tell me the reason.
why is my immune system so strong?
why do i have to survive even after those 20 pills?
i really wish that i didn't wake up to this fucking world.

why am i only drowsy and woke up in one piece?
i really wanna go.
dearest above, why didn't you wanna bring me along with you?
everything doesn't matter to me anymore.
this sucks.