Born to be a Fool.

perhaps, my biggest regret is that i'm surviving for so long.

i should have been dead long ago, i should have.

guess, i'll be happier that way.

i waited, and waited.

yet, you ignored my presence, you ignored my emotions.

you simply ignored everything.

my stand is no longer the same.

i treated you my best, you treated me as fool, a stranger.

ask yourself, how i treated you and how you have treated me all these while.

you have your ongoing stuff, i don't blame.

but i too have my ongoing stuff, and will still take the effort to reply.

yet, you simply ignore.

don't tell me another word of yours.

your words, i can no longer believe in.

you're not there when i needed.

when you're in need, i offered to be there, yet you always reject.

you tell me what should i do, what can i do?

i lied to you i admit, you always upset me when you turned me down.

you upset me, made me pissed.

but what else can i do or say?

lies, this is to lessen the guilt that you may have.

i never will want you to feel bad about anything.

cause, you're a great friend to me, somehow.

yet, you repeat these acts so easily.

leaving me there hanging.

words, they are just plain lies.

sincerity should be showed through actions, not words.

words are cheap, actions are priceless.

but what action did i get?

don't treat me as a fool, i beg.

not this way, i won't be able to take it any longer.

i'm on the verge on giving up.

giving up on everything.

i hate myself, to be so forgiving, to be soft hearted.

never will i want to be treated in this manner, but why?

sometimes, i really do wish to be treated better.

someone to treat me really as a friend, selfless towards me.

there isn't any at all.

'fuck and die' maybe the just the perfect phrase for everything happening recently.

just then, feeling ever so lousy.

dearest o9o6o9,

today i feel really lousy.

i'm upset and it makes me feel really terrible of myself.

yes, maybe i'm not a good friend.

i'm really trying so hard and yet, i failed so terribly.

i'm not a good friend, i never know how.

people treat me just like a pillar.

ignoring the presence when not needed.

but yet lean on it when feeling tired.

i don't mind this fact, cause i know i'm in some help.

but it does hurt me sometimes when ignoring get overloaded.

it makes me feel that, my presences is just so insignificant.

my opinion, my views, everything about me, is just override.

i'm not important, it's okay.

i don't matter, it's okay.

i don't have a stand, never mind.

give me a breather, some respect.

maybe that's all i need.

when you all just decide, and making it final without even asking me.

that's what made me upset.

i made my views, all so not important.

other people views, hell yes and agreement.

how do you feel if you're in my shoes?

great? happy? joyful?

i doubt so.

sometimes i feel like a fool for being a friend.

in friends, you don't need consideration.

you don't have to consider whether to continue the friendship or what.

it seems so sick and make me feel really retarded.

once a friend, is always a friend, this is my statement.

even if now you hate me, dislike me, drifted away,

but one day if you need help, i'm oh-so-willing to help you out.

this is me.

i'm going really easy on everything.

i don't wanna voice some stuff out,

cause i don't want everything to turn so ugly or anything.

i just want it to drift away.

leave me out, i keep my silence.

making joke out of me, i'll laugh with you.

shout at me, i'm all ears to it.

ignoring me, i'll just forget it.

i'm easily affected,

that's all.

Signing off,

Jacqualine

it's August already.
with a blink, 7 full months have past.
what have i fulfilled this year?
nothing much actually.
seems like i'm wasting my life away.

i realised i've missed out alot of things.
yea, maybe it's me, i chose to run away.
i'm just timid and afraid of the fact.
do you know?

is it too late now?
is it too late for me to work hard?
show me, how should i survive for the rest.
tell me, it's not too late start all anew.
guide me, how to walk through this rocky path.
teach me, the importance of lives.
remind me, not to fall back to the darkness of the path.

am i just a useless bitch who only know how to do silly and unimportant stuff?
why am i so silly that i did all those harms?
i'm just killing my organs and hurting those who care.
why didn't i think of it before i did such silly acts?
how much more can i hold before i shattered like the fallen tears?

i need to know, yes i really do.
give me those strength, stand by me to support me.
i'm afraid of falling and fail like a loser.
i know i'm already a loser.
don't remind me.

i need a way to shout out all my rants.
a proper way to vent all my stress and emotions.
i need proper reflection of life.
i need to be strong once again.

turn me over for a new leaf.
tell me that i can do it.
support me well, prevent my falls.
encourage me, guide me right.
i'll be able to do it sooner or later.

jacq, work hard.

even there's nobody, you gotta climb up yourselve.
no more depending on others.
in this realistic world, everybody is selfish.
think for yourselve before others.
maybe that's why you fell.