Ugly Confession.

yes, i've got a confession to made.

i guess i shouldn't hide or keep it anymore.

it's already semi expose, i'll just admit it once and for all.

firstly, there's no more first for me.

at the age of 17, nearing 18, it was gone for good.

no, i don't regret it.

secondly, i like a guy in the past.

i trusted him so much, giving him everything he wanted no matter what.

yes, it's included.

i know there will be no ending, i'm just hoping like some silly bitch.

1 year 5 months.

thirdly, a friend i barely know.

forced himself of me, even though i beg him to stop.

i didn't report to the police, i don't want things to turn ugly or anything.

hoping it will fade away, i treated him, still, as a friend.

forth, someone for money sake.

he's really nice, and willing to help when i was so in need of cash.

thanks for it, he's still a friend to me.

it only happened once.

i said all these out, not because i'm trying to gain anything out of it.

but it's to make me feel better and i think i should confess it myself and not through someone else's mouth.

yes, recently, the guy who i used to like so much, someone who i trusted so much, hurt me like mad tard.

he almost killed me in that way.

yes, i hate him for doing so.

but guess it slapped me hard on my face.

i should wake up from all these.

and stop it, what good it does?

almost nothing.

i was once silly, and i shouldn't let it continue.

nightmares cause of all these are not worth.

i have to put a stop.

still the same, or maybe even worst.

alright, i officially declare myself as seriously ugly.
everyday i look in the mirror, i seem to be getting uglier.
my face rounder and rounder, and somehow, simply ugliness.
i feel like smashing that ugliness in the mirror.
it's like irritating and pissing me.

tell me what to do with this kind of ugliness?

it's an insane, mistaken.


HAHA!
i'm back home from the club.
but yet i'm not tired at all.

in the beginning, my stomach and body played some tricks with me.
to begin with, i was super hungry after the getting the chop from phuture.
so, i ate a double cheese burger after cabbing over to Liang Court.
aftermath, club hopping around Clark Quay and have 2 glasses of Lychee Martini.
shortly, i began to feel nausea and coughing like a dog.
and every single thing came out.
leaving me blood shot yet spotty red all over me.

seriously, i was totally freak out okay.
well, but guess i puked is just because i was super hungry with already plenty of gastric juice in my stomach.
then after eating my burger, not long after, i drink 2 Lychee Martini straight.
acid + acid = indigestion = expel all out.

anyanyway!
phuture and zouk are killers today.
okay, not much of zouk but when i was there, it's like jam packed with people in the dance floor.
it's like only around 12 am.
then when i go over to phuture, it's the same.
what the fuck.

but i did have fun today.
it's really funny to see how guys wanted to grind girls so much.
seriously, is their kukujiao really so itchy?
HAHAHAHA!

OH YA!
today i must be BLIND and UNLUCKY!
shall not explain it here.
interested, you can ask.
if not, just think that i'm just so unlucky.


PLEASE TELL ME WHY AM I SO UGLY FGLY!

when looks really do matter, it breaks.



i'm really depress!
can someone, just someone, tell me how to be prettier just by 25%?
i really feel so ugly whenever i look into the mirror.
i've don't even feel a tiny winny good about myself.


suck totally seriously absolutely!

sigh....

argh! i give up on posting the super long post of my japan trip.
too many pictures to post, too much to be said. i just put the photo album here.
interested peeps can just go take a look.
if not, never mind. :)

LINK : http://s67.photobucket.com/albums/h297/my_bloodylife/japan/

well, now i'm living a anyhow spend money lift.
i seem to be spending at least a hundred a day or even more.
where i get my money?
my long waited pay of course.
it's so good to be rich.
any rich guy want this ugly old hag? :(

i wish i were born to be prettier and not with this look.
tell me how can i do anything.

memories suddenly stumbled across me.
flooding me with unwanted emotions and misses.
i hate it, but the more i do, the stronger those memories are.
tell me how to delete them from my thoughts?
i don't need them, it have being over for more than a year.

it sucks to be me.

PICTURES

On Pay Day, 2nd October 2008.

Fishing & Prawning trip, 06 October 2008.

I didn't meant to torture it that way.
MAYBE IT SHOULD HAVE TRY TO PINCH ME!
A total of 12 prawns to be brought home for dinner. :)

Alright, enough.
I know i'm ugly. FATTY BITCH.

I not acting pretty or whatsoever.
Just scare some of you miss my ugly face.
:B

i feel, everything is getting really pointless.
am i trying to hard to get something?
when i thought this is, at least, how it's suppose to be.
i'm feeling really ugly at this point of time.

how am i feeling deep within me?
maybe i need time off to meditate.
i need my time alone, but when can it be?
i'm afraid, afraid that i would just pour everything into tears.
i don't want it to be that way, it doesn't feel right.

i feel really helpless, not that i don't want to share.
it just that, i don't even really know how am i feeling.
i think i need a long break.
but how long will that be before i could have one?

i'm feeling really tired and sick of these.
it's so not me anymore.
i'm like, a puppet being played in a opera.
life-less moving little thing.

i wish that i've loved you less.
so i wouldn't feel that worst if you like anyone.
no, you don't like anyone, i suppose.
but how certain am i?
i just don't quite really know.

if one day, what i'm thinking now turn out to be true, just how am i gonna accept it?
it won't be a nightmare, it's just a sad destiny that i'll have to go through.
but what can i complain about?
it's just a prank that fate is playing.
i've just got to surrender to it.

it's time to work it out and change.
i can do it, i must put efford in.