agony.

i hate to see birthday celebration.

when i know, mine will never be as great as theirs.

yes, i admit, i'm jealous and filled with envy.

only if you know how i spent my past 8 years of birthday.

i really wish, somehow.

just for a better birthday without ending up in tears.

just some people to shower me in surprises and love.

yet, it never happened.

close to it, but all ended up being screwed.

i don't know whether is it fated or pure coincidence?

i give up, i should have just give up long ago.

but i always crave for something.

it's coming, 6 more days.

disappointment will be filled, i know.

probably, nobody remembers, nobody knows about it.

fuck it, i've just like a dust particle.

goodbye.

i was actually really excited on how my avatar would look like.

and figure it would definitely be much better looking comparing to my real self.

BUT!

dammit, it's worst.

eh, it's like i'm already not that pretty.

but it's like my avatar is even worst.

kill me please.

to make my own avatar, i've got to use a photo which i'm facing the camera directly.

and i just anyhow took one that was taken a month ago.

okay, don't laugh.

i know i look super girlie, and act chio/cute/gentle.

but whatever, it's one of the photo i can find.

if i find a photo too old, it won't be accurate already.

so whatever!

then after all the matching and stuff,

i waited anxiously for my avatar to be done.

but when it's finally done, i was damn disappointed luh.

you see.....

UGLY LIKE MAD OKAY!?!?!

damn, am i really fated to be ugly

and the worst thing is, avatar suppose to have really big eyes.

why is my avatar's eyes this small?

JUST LIKE ME!

thank you very much.

and yes, my avatar look absolutely like an idiot.

FUCK AND DIE!

when one is pathetic, nothing seem beautiful.

yes, call me pathetic.

nobody really bother about me.

in another word, my existence don't really matter.

whatever is it, yes you hurt me.

i thought you and i were really close.

but actual fact, it seem to be just a pathetic act.

i would wait for you till your a levels end.

i understand how stress you will be.

i didn't really wanna bother you as well.

but now, you show me that, i'm no importance.

if you change your number, you could just tell me.

if you don't have my number, you can check it out from others or just ask me online.

and hell yes, you didn't even inform me.

you can chat with everbody, go out with everybody, cept for me.

you don't know how it feels.

i tried really hard to at least date you out for a dinner date.

just a 5 mins will be great.

but you just gave me tons of rejections or ignores.

i'm really disappointed in you.

you don't know how much our friendship means to me.

i don't know what it means to you, but enough.

you did everything that were so wrong.

gracie, i'm disappointed with you, thoroughly.

enough of it already.

we're strangers.

disappoinment is what i'm borned with.


i'm utterly disappointed.
i shouldn't have even go, never will i want again.
enough.

nobody understand how i feel at all.
or even bother about me.
never did they try to be in my shoes.
they don't know how hard i've tried till i'm so worn out.

don't ask me to do anything when in the end, you all don't even take it seriously.
it's hard work, lots of thinking and consideration.
but it's all down the drain.
pissed.

i'll never make an effort to do anything more.
too tired, too worn out, too hurt.

fuck, i'm really pissed and disappointed.

Empty words, yet greatest meaning.



In beginning, all seem so steady and everything like wa wa hooo.
but now, everything crumble.
E-mails, SMS saying that "i've got something on, so sorry. will meet after it."
you don't know how much turn of it is.
i'm seriously disappointed and do not wish to go anymore.

so what if i'm the organizer, planner or whatever you say?
nobody gives me the respect.
change the plan and stuff.
yea, whatever, where's respect?

don't tell me you appreciate it, it doesn't seem real.
is it just for show then?
i'm quite sure.

i'm really disappointed.
you don't know how much i look forward toward this.
but now, i really don't feel like giving a damn about it.
who does?

yea, if they ever read this post, they will just blame it on me and stuff.
whatever, i'm used to it.
no importance, that's it.
but i this is how i seriously feel.

you don't know how it feels like when things seem to go so well in the beginning and became FUCK when it's drawing so near.
give up trying.

today i woke up craving so much for some surprise,
and this is what i get.
what a pleasant surprise.
THANKS!

dammit.

i can't accept, tell me it's not true.



i did manicure for myself!
it's my favourite nail color, which i named it as blood red.
suit my nick name hur, bloodylife.
it's a not as good as what you can get from those manicure and pedicure shop, but i'm as satisfied!
:D

anyway, yesterday(Friday, 19th december 2008) i went out with my Darling, PeiJun.
went for the Ettusias Private Sales, i'm once disappointed by what's there for sale.
YES, THEY DON'T HAVE WHAT I WANT AND IT'S LIKE ANOTHER SALE JUST TO CLEAR THEIR OLD STOCK!
bad bad bad, i'm disappointed and was moodless to see anything.
but, i ended up buying an Ettusias Liquid Eye Color. :S

i like natural shades. :D

after that, went over to taka to the newly open Sephora!
argh, there's simply too much temptation over there.
i just feel like buying the whole shop down.
most of the cosmetics there are just so pretty and cute.
i feel so broke and couldn't bear to spend.
so i promise myself and darling that we will go back one day after i saved!

there's so much i wanna buy from Sephora!
people who love cosmetics more than me, YOU SHOULD NOT GIVE THIS SHOP A MISS!
seriously, i'm not someone who is crazy over cosmetics, but this shop almost drived me crazy!
it made me crave to have all the cosmetics that are available!
i'm not exaggerating, at least, this is how i feel. =/

went to walk around wisma but nothing really caught our fancy.
so, was deciding whether to have dinner at darling's house area or town.
finally decided on The Pasta Shop by Sakae.
i love the food there!

it was Darling's first time there.
so recommended some dishes that i've tried and ask the waitress to recommend as well.
food was served withing 10 mins, FAST!

anyway, we got ourselves a complimentary soup, Cream of Mushroom.
cause our 1st pasta served wasn't fresh and tasted a little sour.
so asked the waitress and they offer to change a new one for us.
while waiting, they served the complimentary soup.
was a little surprise, but am please by the service.
:)

while waiting in between, Darling and I took some photos.
it have been really awhile ever since we took photos.
don't know why, but this is what we seldom do.
we should have taken more!

PS: Darling, i'm jealous of Kenneth!

Take #1 : Darling too sexy.

Take #2 : Much better, let's take another one!



Take #3 : okay, forget it. #2 seem better.

Bus-ed to Darling's house.
busy finding clothes for the Nuffnang's Christmas Party.
and it was done with almost a snap of fingers.
aftermath, helped darling to do manicure.
sorry for the lousy work done. :(

anyway, Darling gave me my Christmas Present.
I'm totally in love with it.
cause it's what i wanted and she remembered!
i'm pretty touch, though i've exposed what she gonna give me on the way back.
HAHAHAHA!

Majolica Majorca's Nude Lip Gloss and Golden Bronze Eyelid Color.

went off to meet eric to play pool.
sucks, i'm getting worst.
lucky i'm not playing with him anymore.
if not, guess i'll just disappoint him.
but i did win a few rounds!
and i concluded that, pool do make your fingers really dirty!
:(

went to help out my sister and my bro-in-law to give out magazines just now before coming back.
feeling super shag and tired.
and when i see the mirror, i was shock.
SUPER MESSY!
i'm like some o-ba-san like that, maybe i'm really am!
:S

At the end of the day. MESSY!

and i brought myself back with a pair of blister feet!
damn irritating and pain!
i hate blister!
Dear Blister, please hate me too and go away ASAP. don't leave anything behind!

okay, i should get going!
gotta wake up early later to get something done!
it's Nuffnang's Christmas Party in the evening!
and BBQ cum Drinking session in the late night!
BUSY BUSY BUSY, but yet, EXCITED EXCITED EXCITED!

G'NIGHTS!

sometimes, i just don't wish to explain to much.
some don't bother, so what for i explain so much and end up no words is taken in?
know me well, and you will know why.
i thought everything was clear.
i'm wrong.

i'm sick and tired, yet i saw that sentence which bring me to feel that i'm just an extra.
do you even know how that feel?
it's horrible, it's hurting.
i'm quite looking forward to it, but just that sentence, it make me feel that i shouldn't turn up to spoil anything.
thanks for looking me at this way.

i thought you're someone i can talk and understand me.
you seemed to have changed just in that period of time.
i'm really looking forward in meeting you, i long for the meeting.
but now, i feel betray and feel that what i felt seem stupid.

i told you how i felt about how i felt, yet you don't understand and yet seem to blame.
you don't even reply somehow.
is it that redundant to tell you how i felt?
i thought i could tell you anything, but what you do is seem like you shove me away.
okay, maybe you are busy.
but maybe 5 mins is all i need, is it too much to ask for?

no matter how tired i am, how busy i am, i do put you first.
i'm not praising myself or what, but you know your placing.
what's mine, guess i'm just down those list now.
i don't feel like saying much anymore.
i don't want those silly tears.

thanks.

i'm feeling thankful today.
thanks for the support people.
you all are simply great.

sorry to those who wanna come and support me.
but yet i'v already close and left.
it's moral support that i need.
i'm touched.

but to those, who just wanna give money and thinking i need THOSE MONEY,
please wake up with your senses.
i'm not a begger.
you've disappoint me with this thinking.
i can afford to make loses.