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Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts

ponder and reveal.

sometimes i really wonder why am i so emotional.

it's like i can cry myself to sleep, not in mood to do anything.

and i'll just feel like hiding at home and be in my bed.

is this normal??

it is not as if i have some major breakups,

someone left me for good in another world,

family abuse or any kind of unfortunate stuff.

but why do i always feel so down?

no wrong that there are guys trying to make fool of my life.

theoretically, fuck and died.

yes, they tried to get me in the wrong dirty disgusting way.

do i even look like a free whore to you?

you guys gross me up.

if i'm lacking of control, i'd have slapped you and waking you up.

don't ever treat girls in all these manner, show them some respect.

but yet, guys just can't be bothered with their vertical sticks.

money is probably another stressful stuff for me.

i've been spoil since i'm young.

not that i get hundreds to spend but i do get what i want most of the time.

but now, everything is so different for me.

there's nobody to buy things for me, not even on birthday.

everything i want i have to work to get it.

be it just a simple dress or maybe some relaxing meal.

sometimes i feel so pathetic when my pals have to accommodate my budget.

there's so many bills for me to pay up,

there's so many things i have been longing to get.

there's so many and so many, the list seem to be endless.

if only i can strike it big instantly.

family seem to be taxing me in all areas.

money, time and emotions.

they don't seem to understand me at all.

i'm only a 20 year old kid.

i know, i'm not that young, but i do have my limits.

i need the care and concern that can only be given by family.

i'm not a superwoman who can handle everything alone.

give me some family time, and let me reminiscent.

how many of you are left in my list, friends?

i can pathetically count the number of you with one hand.

why do you all leave me here all alone?

do you know that i miss you all so much?

you all seem to have rejected me and forgotten my existence.

as much as i wish to ring you all up, i don't know where to begin.

you all seem to be so distance away from me,

"hello" doesn't seem to be able to reach your side.

i've never been confident with my looks.

yes, i admit i am another ugly and fat living in this world.

every time i look in the mirror, feeling of dejected overwhelm me.

"how can i be prettier?" i constantly asking myself.

perhaps make up help, but it's not real, a lie.

i certainly do envy people with natural beauty.

no make up yet they still stand out from the crowd.

why can't i just be like them?

even if i put on make up, i'll still never stand out or look any better.

i seriously do feel disgusted with my looks and size.

i do wish to hide or run away when i'm out with all kind of glamorous people.

i don't feel good seeing people.

all in all, i'm unhappy.

Never in Family.

as i have expected, silence is just a pause.

everything turned heated up once again.

and this time, no tolerance is available.

in the middle of the night.

sometimes, i really hate my dad.

i know i shouldn't be, but i can't help it.

he does not even work to support the family,

all he do is smoke and sleep.

when he's not happy with who-knows-what,

he will just roar into anger with vulgarities.

and give those killer look till every heat in him is gone.

he got a serious emotional un-stability.

my mother, no i don't hate her.

sometimes i'm just too pissed off to do anything.

but if things happen, i'll sure jump to her to keep her safe.

she need more protection than i do.

yes, she's a drama-mama at times.

trying to gain as much attention as she wants.

and it's really irritating and annoying.

but i still love her.

sometimes i really wish my mother would have follow the decision and abort me.

least, this will ease the financial burden by some extent and less suffering.

i don't feel happy in this family at all.

it's like a wrong choice.

i seriously think that,

my family will do real good without the presence of my dad.

he should return to the cell, and never release.

he should be kept behind those bars.

and yet,

i'm helpless, i can't do anything.

fuck and die.

Family.

awoke, screamed and cried.

awoke by the screaming and noises outside my room.

screamed in agony and hoping for help.

cried in despair and throbbing pain.

"why am i born into this family living in this kind of drama?"

can never learn how to bear with all these drama.

it's a scene that nobody will wanna be.

i hate it, i hate my family, i hate being helpless.

nobody will understand.

everything is nearing, light seem to be lost.

shadow casted, tears are flowing.

screaming helplessly, silence are heard.

nightmare formed, haunting forever.

i don't wish to be here anymore.

take me away.

Deceiving.

how many times you turned you back and lied to you love ones?

how many times have you forced yourself to say those mean things?

how many times have you cried after those scenes?

how many times you hurt yourself with all those lies?

you can deceive the whole world, yet not yourself.

you can put a smile at the end of the lie, but not on the soring heart.

you can pretend you're alright, when you know deep down, you're not.

you can not know anything, but your heart does.

i hate lies, yet i can't help it.

i say mean things at times, but i don't feel good either.

i miss you people, those who i once hurt.

i need you here, but it's too late.

i'm remorseful, seriously.

just one moment like the past..

HELLO!
how's Lunar New Year for you?
Great?

well, for me, angbao is pathetic, skip it.
but seem like i'm having some luck in gambling.
by just playing cards, i've been winning about 50 plus?
alright, not alot but least, it adds to my income.
i just love playing cards during this festive.

went to relative's place.
it's a tradition type of things that can't be skipped.
yes, i hate it.
it's like whatever for?

it's like just to show face.
but whatever, at lease i get to spend some times with my family and babies.
it's well spent at least.

anyway i realised i got a super duper cute cousin.
and he's seriously handsome.
i crave for him, but he just a tad too young.
a gap of 16 years?
his name is JACKSON!

yes, shout cute, you have to admit.
he's damn shy in the beginning.
so i tried my luck and "seduce" him.
and of course, i won!

it's just some simple tricks and already have him keep looking for me.
heard from my mother that he keep looking for me when i not around.
isn't he sweet?

awww.. while typing this.
i miss Jackson, his smile just melt me down.

anyway, on the 2nd day of new year,
my both sister came back.
yea, they are married, so i couldn't see them everyday.
i do miss them.
it's like though years have past, but i still can't get used to it without them everyday.

but guess, i miss their cutie pies more.
:D

Eldest sis with Ayden.

and guess what, Ayden and Mischa worn couple wear that day.
both are in jump suit, it's like funny.
and yes, they were like perspiring throughout the day.
poor babies, they can't do anything.

i quite like this shot. :D

Mischa took my eldest bro-in-law sunglasses and started playing with it.
and so, we it on her.
she likes it and started posing with it.

after all the visiting, it's dinner and my favourite, GAMBLING TIME!
played and gamble and won myself around 50 bucks.
but too bad it ended early, cause mahjong session is up next.
and i sucks in it.
so off to get my beauty sleep!

oh ya!
somehow, maybe it's just a stage for the babies.
that Mischa and Ayden just like to stick out their tongues.
i got my evidence with me.

Ayden the Yoga Master!

Mischa the Laundry

At the 4th day of new year, i've got rashes appearing all over me.
i've got freak out by it since it's my first time getting it.
so it's was like, disgusting!

went to the doctor and he said i maybe allergic to the flu medicine i taken the night before.
yes, it's not my medicine, it's my sister.
having really bad flu and block nose that night and pop it in.
and TADAH! rashes!

NEVER TAKE MEDICINE THAT DON'T BELONGS TO YOU!

another 2 months more to my birthday!
am quite excited about though it still have quite a long way to go.
my birthday is never a happening stuff, plain, boring and lousy.
how sad right, fuck.

i've been having terrible birthday celebration ever since i step into secondary.
i seriously wish that this year will be a great one.
but, well, forget it.
pin no hopes.

BUT BUT BUT!
call me kiasu, i've already gotten my 1st birthday present for myself!
yes, i do get myself presents every year.
cause, i guess, it's just a way to spoil myself.

last year presents were spa and tongue piercing.
and this year is...............

yes, from Swarovski.
can you see what it is?
Clearer? Blame it on the plastic cover.
Saw?
Better?
It's a Swarovski Little Snow Flake.

well, it's not a expensive stuff.
but it do have some meaning behind this little thing.
nothing special, but have you ever really seen a snow flake before?
maybe you did, but definitely not me.

i always see in those cartoons, pictures, etc.
and the image of a perfect snow flake begin to surface.
yes, it's a Crystal Snow Flake.
one that really shine and sparkle under the rays of the sun without melting.

so, when i passby Swarovski during Christmas.
this Little Snow Flake caught my attention and i was stuck to it.
i was a little shock that the naive me thought there's really Snow Flake in that cabinet.

but it wasn't, so i've been think about this Little Snow Flake after i left.
it's the perfect snow flake that i've always being thinking of.
and i know, i have to get it.

so TADAH!
i bought it for myself as a birthday present.
simple yet meaningful somehow.
thanks.

G'nights.

08 October 2008

went out with mum my sisters and their babies!
high tea at lao beijing @ PS.
utterly disappointing, wasn't up to my expectation at all.
it was much better last time over at Novena.

while we having high tea, the babies were having their.... HIGH MILK!

call me kiasu or whatever, but i'm fascinated with this table.
i want some goldfish too!

Even before everything was served..

Baby mischa were being "served" on the table.
:S

Some of the food that almost killed us. SUCKS! But poor mischa, could only have....
Guess, she would rather have her fingers.
:B
Ayden's tummy after his HIGH MILK.
O.O!
about 4 hours past, it's still..
but of course, he had another bottle of milk.

shopped around PS, yet i bought nothing.
eldest sister felt as disappointed as i do.
we expected great shopping spree.
but well, sucks.

anyway, i bought fake nails.
gonna bling it when i gotten my crystals and put it onto my nails.
but hopefully, it won't damage my nails.
before i curse and swear!

Eldest sister with Baby Mischa.