Sinner.




Forever i am, a sinner.
no matter how much effort and thoughts,
i'm still a sinner, a blame for everything.

sick and tired of it, no use for anything.
misunderstood and accusation,
blames and faults.
they seem to be my best friend, that i can never get rid of.

trust me, i really tried and control.
putting in whatever i can, useless.
i need a break, understanding.
but no, there isn't.

i'm a sinner, put all the blame on me.
i'm a sinner, who nobody will ever understand.
i'm a sinner, who is never right in any ways.
i'm a sinner, that have sentenced death.

just a sinner.

mood spoiler is more than a killer.


yes, i got back my connection.
super happy about it.

but now i'm feeling damn pissed.
ya, thanks ar.

don't blame me when you don't understand me.
when i put in effort, do you all even sincerely appreciate it?
and just change everything without informing me.
what is this? my fault?

yes, i avoid and avoid you all during my birthday period.
know why?

cause i soooo don't wanna ruin my birthday.
i just wanna enjoy it.
to me, you are are just some people who are a curse to my birthday.

say i don't reply to your messages, but who taught me all these.
in the past you all message me, i'll reply for sure.
but when i message you all, do you all even bother to reply or even read?
so, i'm just doing this to who treat me this way.

for my other friends, i'll reply for sure even if it's just an okay.
unless i really miss the message.

blame it on who send the message then.

yes, when i see the present from you all,
i'm extremely pissed and disappointed.
why?

maybe you all have put in "efforts".
but please, i don't feel it at all.
it is just a box with some stickers and 3 stuff.
that's all.

if you call that "effort", then well done.

and the present, gosh, speechless.
who will give 2 same stuff just different functions?
pardon me from being harsh.
but it's really stupid somehow.

okay maybe is the giver fault again.

but, did you all think practically for the gift?
or think, whether do i already have it.
for your info, being a mascara lover, i already have lots of it.
in a way, till i stop buying and start throwing.

you said you all have NO idea what to buy for me.
then just don't buy.
think i'll appreciate it more than ever.
maybe a greeting will do more that the gift.

or you can just give me money and let me buy what i really want or save up.
isn't it more practical?

oh, and you pester my friend to get information on what to get for me till she's so pissed.
thanks ar, and the present ended up like that.
it make her even more pissed.
how funny is it?
please, just forget it next time alright?
don't make my friend irritated that way.

and, i do appreciate you all turning up in my house.
if i'm really mean, i wouldn't go to gardens with you all and push my plans back a little.
i do have guilt and stuff.
but do you all know how i feel?
out-of-place.

no common topic, no feelings.

if you all pass by,
i'm typing these to let you all understand me a little more.

okay, you will get the wrong idea.
i'm sure of it.
but i won't delete or change the post.
cause, this is how i really feel.

yea, call me petty or whatever.
i'm like that.

i'm really tired.
no matter how hard i tried, it's not working at all.

for the past 2 days, i barely have 6 hours of rest.
i'm already exhuasted yet i still take out time.
but it's not appreciated at all.

maybe you don't know, but i thought it will be worth.
but i'm wrong, you wasted my time.
you didn't even bother to try.
no matter how i tried to encourage you.

maybe it was my fault for getting things hot.
but, all i wanted you is to get it.
you said you wanna learn, but i don't see it so.
it's not easy to teach.

you just left me there.
didn't even bother to tell till you were out on the road.
reason that you gave, don't wanna get cold shoulder.
well, you let me know, i'm just nothing.
thanks.

i'm really tired, nobody bothers;
i've lost another friend.