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i dreamt of negative, yet you're the negative.

tell me what to do, i'm not perfect.
i don't meet people from the net.
not that i'm anti-social or anything.
it's just that the aftermath do scare me.

i've been through those avoid and drift after meeting up.
so what we were close before we meet up.
but somehow, everything do change after that.
yes, you may say that i'm over-sensitive.
but, it's the fact and i've been through it.

i don't have a figure, i'm fat.
i'm not attractive, i'm ugly.
i'm different in reality, how much can i show in typing?
everybody knows this, it's the fact for who i am.

i don't understand why that a plan to meet up can just be so stressful to me.
i can't take the stress level, it sadden me.
i don't want any history to repeat.
it's the worst feeling ever, you don't know.

yes, all friends start from strangers.
but net friends are different.
in the sense that, we knew each other.
virtual yet not reality.
it's totally different matters.

i do treasure all my net friends.
as much as i wish we could remain this way, somehow, there will be request to meet up.
i'm lost and it seems like, a stressful and unpleasent stuff.

i just wish to shut off myself.