UNDER MAINTENANCE!

I seriously think that i've got some trouble sleeping even if i'm really tired.

Fml much.

Time

Look at how time flies.
Things have changed.
Yet, they are left unwritten.
But images remain.

The past are the past,
The new begins.
Life is better,
I hope it will remain.

Thanks for everything.
I'm in such a bliss.
Though path maybe rough,
But things will be well.

I love you baby.

Somehow.

I became lost when greed fills me up.
As much as I want to put in my whole,
But somehow I start to doubt myself.
What do I really want from this?

It's like my mind and heart are having some kind of war.
I know I shouldn't think so much and just enjoy,
But there seem to be something bothering me so much.
It's like I don't deserve this kind of love.

Tell me how, tell me why.
Baby, it's like you mean so much more.
I'm like a trouble to you that kept bothering you.
Are we a match?
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Is this what BEING LOVED feels like?

PLANS ARE SCREWED!

RIGHT EYES IS GOLDFISH!
SHOULDN'T HAVE RUB IT YESTERDAY NIGHT!

>:(

I'LL NEVER HATE YOU CAUSE I JUST LOVED YOU TOO MUCH.

YOU'RE THE PAST TENSE NOW THAT I'LL STILL THINK OF.

I THOUGHT YOU'RE THE ONE, YET YOU'RE JUST THE MISTAKEN ONE.

I'LL NEVER RUN BACK TO YOU ANYMORE, TOO TIRED.

RELEASING YOU IS THE ONLY THING I CAN DO FOR YOU.

GOODBYE ACBL, YOU WON'T BE FORGOTTEN.

I LOVE YOU.

Be gone.



So what if it's hurting me?
So what if I'm crying over it?
So what if I'm getting insomnia?
So what if I'm drifting to the thoughts of it?

You're gone, and left me here alone.
Alone in my bed of tears.
Alone in the misses that accumulate.
Alone in the misery that I can't express.

I constantly reminding myself that I'm fine.
Deceiving myself that everything is good without you.
Yet, you're images just keep flashing.
Every moment of you, every touch.

You threw me away, just so easily.
I wish I could do the same, but I'm sorry.
I know one day I'l just get over you.
But I just couldn't stand myself being in this state.

I can't take it further, I'm going crazy.
I know what I should and what I shouldn't.
But I'm unconsciously making everything reverse.
Doing all the wrongs and not to.

I blame myself for this state.
I blame myself for loving you.
I blame myself for giving you a place.
I blame myself cause I'm the only one to blame.

Please get out of my head soon.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Goodbye 2010.

2010 wasn't much of a good year for me.

screwed up my life for the second major time.

changed into someone i never expect that i'll be.

spent all of my pay, yes, no savings.

gotten myself a boyfriend, and yes i beginning to really love him.

but hell knows what is he really feeling.

i know, i shouldn't probably think too much and just enjoy every moment.

yet, there's just too much thoughts bothering me.

i'm trying hard to pry open my brains and let him knows what i'm thinking.

but it's really tough, i'm not those kind who will speak my mind instantly.

there's so much too say yet i'm always speechless when i have the chance.

blame it on me.

seriously, i just wish that things between me and him will work out.

else, doubt i'll ever get myself into this kind of game anywhere soon.

sometimes, i really just hope he will take the initiative to meet me up or contact me.

sometimes, i really want him to give me a little surprise or anything sweet.

i know, he's not those kind of person.

and i should not have any expectation to prevent disappointment.

but i just can't help it, i'm just a girl.

if i were ever a boy, i'll the proper way.

baby, please treat me right.

i know i'm not the perfect girlfriend, but i'm trying hard.

don't expect me to keep giving and not receiving anything.

it's way too tiring.

i love you.

Fuck off.

I never knew how much can these 2 words pierce into my heart.
Causing so much misery and tears.
Caught me shivering and speechless.
I don't know how to close this wound.

"Words are trash"
Tell me how much do I have to do to show you they meant everything?
I mean what I said, yet you never believed every single word.

You caught me yet again, losing myself.
Endless sessions of tears.
Frequent pain in the heart of mine.
Unknowingly drifting into all the words you ever said to me.

I'll be gone.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

Real.

so much of those words, yet they are just empty.

promises are given for the sake of giving, no meaning.

you said you will have more free time,

i tried to squeeze time out specially just for you.

but all you gave me is empty words and disappointment.

to you, i'm always wrong and unimportant.

why do you treat me in this manner?

what i did that i deserve all these from you?

you making me weak and devastated.

i really hate myself so much, and you're the reason.

even when i'm leaving, you don't seem to give a damn.

you made a joke out of me.

to think i mind so much about you.

what a joke, i won't anymore.

i'm too tired.

You made me happy.

hey baby,

just when i was about to give up waiting,

you called me for some silly chat.

i was over excited that i'm couldn't stop smiling.

though i was the one who initiate to meet,

but you readily agreed.

i'm just a silly girl that feels happy just like that.

you brought smiles to my face.

if you were around, i bet you would have laughed at me.

you made me laughed at those paranoid moments i had,

you made me can't keep my eyes of you,

you definitely made me happy.

i love you baby.

i wanna spend so much more time with you.

you presence is so much needed.

thanks for today.

Love me all over again.

sorry for my freaky actions,

insecurities just over take me.

i'm just too scare and afraid.

nightmares please don't get too real.

i've decided to let you take the lead.

i won't be the first to do everything anymore.

it takes both to make it work.

worn off is how i'm feeling.

baby, please notice and take some actions.

don't make me wait too long.

i need you to be here and care for me.

cause i just love you.

i don't wanna give up so easily,

cause it took me great courage to step into a relationship again.

don't let me get hurt, don't leave.

i do all these cause i just care too much about you.

i'm obsessed with you.

i don't know what's so good about you,

but i know i just want you to be with me.

please, don't lie to me.

it's because i love you.

Nightmare.



staring into the empty darkness,
trying to catch a glimsp of sleep.
yet falling into insomnia,
with hundreds of thoughts running through my mind.

family, friends, boyfriend or even strangers,
just seem to run in the speed of light through the thoughts.
my heart is screaming in pain,
yet nobody seem to knows.

once fallen into sleep,
i'm awoken with streams of nightmares.
nightmares of everything out to get me down.
woken up with fear and dampen emotions.

i'm scare, so scare that everything will be real.
i think it through days,
causing my smile to crease.
alone is all i can feel.

i wish there's someone to hug me tight,
ensuring me things will be alright.
yet, emptiness and loneliness is all i felt.
nobody is here.

no, don't lie that you're gonna be here with me.
you know you're not gonna be here.
this world is selfish, even those who is closest to my heart.
i'm alone in tears, with mind unclear.

save me, i need somebody to take me away.
i'm really scare.
probably suicide is the best solution to my agony.
i'll make it to reality.

give me some time.

20.10.2010

please stay with me.

stop making me as if i'm hanging in the air.

i need your love, i need your actions.

baby, show it to me will you?

show me more of your concern and love.

tell me your misses and make me feel the existences.

touch me with your small actions in heart.

please baby, i need all of them.

don't lie to me, i can't take it.

don't fool me, i'll breakdown.

don't break my heart, it will be over.

don't stay, if there's no longer love.

be happy.

I really wish that you will love me more.

The more i tell myself to stop thinking, the more i miss you.

The more i wanna hate you, i love you even more.

I'm so sick of you, yet i love you too much to let go.

baby, i really miss you.

Worn out.

Trust is the main factor to make things right.
But somehow it seems so hard to.
I'm forcing myself, believing every words you said.
I'm tired, energy is running out.

I really wish to spend more time with you.
Yet I'm doubting you feel the same way too.
You rather do your own things without me.
I'm never included.

Can I hold on to you forever?
Do I even have the strength to carry on much longer?
I'm just a normal any other girl.
Tender loving care is needed in me too.

I want you to care, I want you to be here.
I want your texts, I want your calls.
I want your time, I want your presence.
But I know it's hard for you to give.

I shall not be demanding, I shall just bear with it.
I shall not pester you, I shall wait for you.
I shall not annoy you, I shall remain my silence.
I shall not tie you with my demands, I shall be there for you.

As much as I wanna show you, I love you baby.
Sent from my BlackBerry Wireless Handheld

In your eyes..

i'm all to blame.

i think too much.

i'm just too free.

i'm just a passerby.

you never know,

i'm a girl that i need you to be here.

i'm a girl that have been trying really hard to grab your attention.

i'm a girl who willing to go all out for you.

but you just ignored everything about me,

and just focus so much on yourself.

what am i really to you?

i'm beginning to feel lost.

reading the messages you used to send me.

all seem to be so different with the happenings.

you making me feel so depressed.

all i long for is you to at least drop me a text.

everything that have to be related to you,

seem so far away and impossible.

don't you know, do you know?

all i wanted, all that you're giving.

you making me to have so much doubts.

how do you want me to trust you and hold on.

i'm losing my grip slowly.

yet i believe, you will never care.

i feel like a fool.

I'm imperfect.

I'm all to blame.
Making you feeling so stressed and troubled.
I'm sorry, I don't know how to be right.
Maybe ending will means perfection.

No, I don't wanna let you go.
But, it will be more perfect that way.
I don't deny my feelings is there.
Yet, I couldn't bear to give you anymore pain.

I'll rather suffer in silence than to bring you pain.
I'm not good enough for you.
I'm not even close to perfection.
But I just want you near me so badly.

What else can I do?
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