Heavy hearted.

Waking up today seem to be another mistake.
Quarrels, shouting and crying filled the house.
I felt the weight in my heart the I can't stand.
I already feel torture enough, please stop.

I feel like messaging someone at that very moment.
But I could not find words to say.
I don't seem to be able express myself.
I'm scare, really scare.

Family should just stop waking me up in this manner.
Why does it seem to be so hard and tough?
I always wish that my family will have no drama.
It's really depressing to be me.

I can't hold longer.
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Courage.

The will to live,
The strength to face,
The brave to go through,
It's all about courage.

I've lost every bit of it.
I can't bring myself to face, to live, to go through any bits.
Everything will just end up in lies.
I'm not up for it.

Not much to begin with,
Too much to end with.
I'm a pathetic loser I admit.
Ending up in tears.

How to find courage?
I will never know.
Given up, everything is pointless.
Stone away.

I'm really tired.
No longer who I am.
Getting worst,
Getting too lost.

Courage, where are you?
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Too much.

When matters do not lay still,
When there's too much complications,
When tears flow too much,
When dishearten falls.

Put those words in,
That's what people think.
Hard to defend,
Pointless to do so.

They insisted, they added in force.
Tears rolled, people ignored.
Accuse, outcast, drift and finally forgot.
They are just part and parcel.

I've done my say,
Too much happening for me to handle.
I can't cope, I can't bear with it.
Give me some time.

Goodbye.
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PAIN.

you don't know how much it hurts.

those words you said seem to piercing through me innocently.

tell me how to believe that you're actually those kind of people?

show me the real you i beg.

i've been through and holding on too much.

i won't be able to hold it much longer.

you have to know i do have my limits.

i'm not just a toy for you to play with.

masked myself to hide those tears and emotions.

hide my fears and agony from all.

what else can i do cept for all these?

i just wanna be normal.

relationship isn't my game.

The Smile.

how to tell when things become fake?

how to tell when smile is just an act?

things turn unreal with unexplainable reasons.

smiles became fake with a show to play.

my smile is no longer real.

i'm so tired of having to fake,

yet i can never put on that perfect smile anymore.

i'm never gonna be the same.